It’s all about speed

This is about the truest statement a farmer can make. The faster the better. When farming it is highly recommended you have an epic mount moving as fast as possible. It’s a matter of numbers, the more nodes you gather and the faster you do it the better. I use a drake for most of my movement (280% movement increase) and I want in the worst way a 310% movement mount. I am working on it, the 10% speed bonus would be nice.

So why a drake? This is actually a very conscious decision. Let’s say I am racing another person to a node. The drake is fast and very large and covers the node. Ever try to pick a node you can’t see? It is very difficult. This frustrates other people and allows you the chance to grab the node. Call if offensive farming.

While it is possible to farm on foot or with a slower mount, you will have to be more aware of your “flight path”. Most farmers get into a rhythm optimizing the distance between nodes; obviously the shorter the better. Stringing nodes together will get you more nodes but be prepared to have nodes ninja’ed out from under you.

Speaking of “Flight Paths”, if you find you are following someone, turn off and go somewhere else or even double back on your path. You never know when a node will respawn, but you do know the guy in front of you will get the next node and you will be fighting over all the nodes in the area. It is just not worth it, go somewhere else.

It’s all about time

What was the number one thing to remember about getting WoW gold rich? Patience. The more time you put in the more you make. Personally I find if the area I am farming is not too crowded I can farm for about 4 hours and make about 2500g in one day. This translates to about 75 stacks of herbs BTW. After that I can do whatever I want. Heck these days I do not even farm every day since most of what I want can’t be got with gold but rather badges or in raids. I try to farm 4 days a week and if the market is good I clear 10k a week less my raiding costs.

Don’t get mad

If you get upset because someone stole your node you will waste time griping about it while the guy who snaked you just continues on. Forget about it, just move to the next node and get over it, there are always more nodes.

Now I have to admit there are times when it seems everyone in the area is out to get my node. I land there and suddenly there is someone else there taking my stuff. It can get really frustrating. If you do get frustrated just do something else or find a different area to farm. Personally if I am not farming Sholazar Basin I am farming Storm Peaks or Ice Crown. Why these areas? Because they have a lot of nodes and the secondary gather of Frost lotus is very lucrative. You may have other areas to farm. In any case when you find you are loosing your cool, do something or go somewhere else and come back later.

Be a good citizen

The one thing that really burns my blood while farming is I get on a node and am attacked by some mob and while fighting the mob some opportunistic jackass then comes in and takes the node. Personally I pass by a node if I see anyone within a reasonable distance of the node. After all I don’t like people stealing my nodes, I am not going to steal a node someone else got to first. When you think about it this really saves you time and it is all about the time. I just wish there was a way of “tagging” nodes like you can tag a mob for experience and drop credit. That would certainly put an end to the ninja farmers.

Get geared

It should go without saying that the best farmers are highly geared level 80 toons. Why? Because a well geared character can deal with whatever might happen. In this case the gear can include anything that maximizes your farming such as armor, mounts and bags. I have one toon that is both an herbalist and a miner. He is equipped with a red drake, two Mammoth Mining Bags (32 slots each), and two Emerald Bags (32 slots each). This equipment and minimal amount of other items that take bag slots, allow him to hold 140 stacks of stuff before he has to empty his bags. When he is running well I can make 5000g from straight sales or if smelted bars are selling well I can shift those over to a BS character and make even more.

There are two other luxuries that I afford my farming characters because they reduce the time I have to spending finding vendors and going into cities. The Travelers Tundra Mammoth may seem an extravagant luxury, but if you can afford it I recommend it, if for no other reason than to empty bags of junk and cash in on the odds and ends (remember we are making cash any way we can). Not only are there vendors on the Mammoth, Gnimo is also a repair bot. I can comfortably say that I have made back my 18k investment for the mammoth in vendoring junk and time savings. The other luxury is the Argent Squire pet with the pony upgrade. The upgrade not only puts the squire on a pony when you mount up but it allows the squire to do things, like visit a bank, visit a mail box, and be a vendor. Similarly if you have engineering you can get these services as well (and I think an auctioneer too) but it takes one profession that may or may not be suitable to farming.

Having a well rounded and well geared character will make the whole process easier. Obviously you don’t need to have the absolute top of the line gear, but you should have at least all blues and better all purple gear. With the new random dungeon process it is simple to get well geared and you should take advantage of it.

Ka-Ching!

OK, let’s say that you have now filled your bags and you are ready to sell your stuff. After all you have made no money until you have sold your stuff. How should you sell it? Should you make something out of it? Should you hold on to it or set the price unusually high. Let’s consider just selling the stuff and at what price.

To start off I recommend you get an addon called Auctioneer. This addon will automate posting good and give you a relative idea about how items are priced. Good use of this addon will help you make money, but more advanced use will come in time as you get familiar with the market.

NOTE: When you post a new item and before you create a new auction be sure to hit the “Refresh” button every time. If you do not you may loose money by posting auctions that will not sell. You will only have to make this mistake a couple of times before it becomes a habit of “refresh”ing.

Note: As you become acquainted with the market you should expect to make a normal return. If prices fluctuate wildly price your good at your prices and you should be able to get it. Never think you have to undercut the market all the time (although you will most of the time) or gouge people to make a profit. The rule is this: YOU HAVE MADE NO MONEY AT ALL UNTIL IT IS IN YOUR BANK. You can’t eat your mats, so to speak.

Auctions and Buyouts

Obviously there is a difference here, the auction price is the minimum you will accept for the item you are selling and people can bid up the price to whatever the market will bare. A buy out is an ideal price you would like for your item. The advantage of a buyout is the buyer gets the item they purchase immediately. People bidding in auction must wait until time expires and take the risk of other people outbidding them or buying out the item. In all honesty we are not interested at all in auctions, what we want to for people to buyout our good outright so we get paid sooner. The tactic you will notice most people taking is having the auction minimum bid being about 10% or less than the buyout price. This tactic entices the buyer to just buy it outright which is better for us and them since they know they get the item. A good example is my price for Deadnettle. I price it at 10g a stack buyout and minimum auction is 9g. I never have people bid the price, and if someone does, someone else will always come along and just buy it out.

Note: The auction prices and buyout prices are handled separately and this being the case it is very important to pay attention to them separately. There is a tactic of pricing the an auction price very low and when people automatically price auctions the can mistakenly price it too low. The person who priced the auction low will then bid on your sale at this very low price. If they win it they will turn it around and sell your item a high price and make a profit. Be careful of this and price your auction to your liking and not automatically based on the market.

One of the other things to make your prices more appealing, price your items in nice round numbers. I usually shave off any copper and usually round to the next lower 10 silver. Say if Auctioneer says a good price is 13g 47s 32c, I would price it at 13g, 40s. When you price like this it is easier for people to understand and are more likely to buy your item. Some people will say it doesn’t matter, I think it does and since I am successful I will stick to this thinking.

I am going to take this looking at some of the more common conditions you will find in the AH. Remember, this is where you will be making your money, it is important to understand what you are looking at.

You post and there are no other sales of what you are selling

This is simple to understand, if you are posting something that normally sells a lot it means there is a large demand for the item. You are now the only one to provide this on your server. So how should you price your item? Let’s take for example “Adders Tongue”. When the market is doing a brisk turnover of this item you notice the price tends to level out at about 14g a stack. Since this is the usual going price you should really expect to get 14g a stack, but we have a situation where you are the only seller and can now set the price. What will you do? Will you gouge people for it and set the price way high like 40g? Will you set the price at the normal selling price of 14g pretty much assuring sales? Will you set a premium price and take advantage of the market but selling it for about 20g a stack? Obviously you will not set a price lower than the normal selling price because there is no point in loosing money that way. Setting the price point at a gouging 40g is ridiculous, no one will buy it because everyone knows the normal price and the stack will sit in the AH until someone is absolutely desperate for it. This could be a long wait and you loose money the longer it sits there, reposting it every couple of days. (Remember that there will be other people posting their stuff and they will easily undercut a price that is too high.) Your best strategy is to set the price slightly high but not so outrageous that people will not bite at it since it is in high demand. A 20% to 40% mark up in this situation is reasonable and everyone will understand you are getting a little more because of the situation and you will sell your stuff.

You post your stack and see the market is flooded

A flooded market is not uncommon. You see the pages of auctions for the same thing you are selling and the prices have dropped through the floor. Our Adders Tongue that usually sells at 14g a stack is now selling at 5g a stack. This is disheartening, but now you have to take a real close look at the prices and the size of the stacks being sold.

If the stacks are all large and you look at unit price and they drop steady you really are not in a position to sell and make a good return. In this case you should hold on to the mats and bank it until the price comes up. If on the other hand the stack are all small, say 1 and 2 each, price your mats at the normal price or even a 10% discount and wait, it will eventually sell because there really is not all that much on the market, it just looks like there is. ADVANCED TIP: If the prices are real low but the stacks are very small you have an interesting consideration here…. You could buy everything that is lower than your normal or discount price and the resell it all at your price. Since you will have bought everything at a lower price you can make a profit off the cheap goods and sell your stuff. That’s a Ka-Ching in my dictionary.

But why would people price stuff so low in the first place? Well simple; if you then post to undercut the cheap price, the person posting the cheap price will snap your sale up and later repost them at a nice profit. If you on the other hand buy all the cheap stuff and repost it at a normal price, the guy trying to screw people into undercutting will have made very little money for their work and you will come out on top just by selling normally.

You post and you see the price listings are around the normal price

This is the condition you will normally see. This is where you undercut your competitors by a couple percent and turn your profit.

Should I sell the raw mats or should I manufacture something?

Oddly enough this is a question I get asked a lot and it depends entirely on market conditions. It is really simple to figure out: add all your unit costs up (don’t forget AH cut) and subtract that from what you are going to sell it for. Then add up the sell price for the mats you have and subtract the AH cut. If the first is greater, make something and sell it. If not just sell the raw mats and be done with it. You would be surprised how often it is more advantageous to just sell the raw mats than bother to make anything from it. In fact I don’t bother checking to see if there is a profit from manufacturing something form my farmed mats any more, I just sell it all on the AH and forget about it.

Banking Mats

There comes a time that you will bank something rather than sell it because the price is too damned low for your taste. You have to remember that until you do sell it you will not have made any money. If the AH goes through a prolonged downturn on what you are selling you could fill a bank real fast. Eventually you could run out of space all together and then you are in a fix since until you clear space you will not be able to gather any more of the profitable mats. It is then time to find a way to use it or manufacture with it and hopefully make a profit. If you can’t figure out how to move it the it is time to dump it on the market.

Dumping on the market is not a lost per say but rather a less than vigorous return on your work. You are still making some money on your work, it just isn’t up to your standard. Find the lowest price on the market, and undercut it. Do not set a buyout price so people must bid on it. Somewhere down the line a speculator will bid them all (or maybe more than one bidding up the price) and you will see your return and free up your bags and bank to get on with more work. In this I would stop farming that particular item for a few days since the market is just too cheap and you can use your time and bag space on better mats. Once the market for that item evens out again you can farm it again.

As a general rule you should never bank anything you farm or manufacture. If it is banked it is not making you money and so what is the point. I can never understand when people run out of bank space on a farming toon. There should be very little in their banks and bags because they are not really playing character. I can understand it with playing characters to an extent, but still, there should never be a time you run out of space. YOUR BANK IS THE AH.

If you are using a playing character to farm you could consider making a “Banking” alt. This is a character that does nothing but stores things for your main character. If you are still in desperate need of space you could even start your own bank guild opening up a possible 700 more slots if you have the cash (and you should).

Lots of slots

The maximum number of slots on a character is 144. If you max out your bank and use specialized bags in the bank you can add another 256 slots. This means it is possible for a character to leverage 400 slots. If the character has a guild you can add 700 more for a total of 1100 slots. If you still need space after that you can start more banking toons, but really, I cannot see using more than 200 slots since you should be selling like a madman.

Multiple Characters

When you think about it the more characters you have the better you can do. Think about this:
1) Dungeon Raider (Provides Heirlooms)
2) Herbalist and Mining
3) Skinning and Leatherworker
4) Alchemy and Enchanting
5) Inscription and Jewelcrafting
6) Tailor and Blacksmithing
Since all can do cooking, fishing, and first aid there is no need to specialize these. But if you can work up all of these toons, you can then create 5 more toons to do whatever you want and pay practically nothing for potions, food, weapons, gear and enchants. Toon 1 then provides the heirlooms to get your farmer up and running faster. Toon 2 provides raw materials and cash for all other toons. Toons 3, 4, 5 and 6 can then provide more and more items needed by all the others. Toons 7-10 are for fun and experimentation. Have fun.

Leveling up professions

Farming toons should be leveled up as they are being brought up. It is not difficult to farm here and there as you are running around questing, just remember to do it. Obviously skinning is the absolute easiest to level while questing since you are killing things left and right anyway. Manufacturing professions I would suggest not bothering to level until level 60. At that point you can power level the profession in a few hours. Sure it cost some cash, but the time you save not leveling may be worth it.

Wrapping it up

When it comes down to it all of the stuff I have written about here is common sense. If you just take the time to think things through, experiment a little bit and stick to it you will find that you are successful and making a load of cash. Let’s face it, you don’t need millions or even hundreds of thousands, just enough to make your gaming experience fun without having to go to the gold sellers and pay $5 per 1000g.

Racism is very hard to define, but like pornography,

I KNOW IT WHEN I SEE IT...

... and I don’t lie

Do you drive? If so and you’re a resident on Nevada you also must have auto insurance. After all it’s the law.

Aside from the fact that here is a law mandating you to buy something you may or may not need or even may or may not be able to afford (which seems like a sweet deal for the insurance companies who can now provide inferior service for more money and will not be held accountable) there are other consequences implied just for owning a car in Nevada. Here is a little story of what I have been through.

Once upon a time there were a couple of months that I did not pay for my auto insurance. Why you ask? Was I strapped for money and still driving? Did I just want that new iPhone and took it out of my car insurance money? Nothing like that, I was simply out of town in another state and driving a rental that had insurance. During that time it seemed a waste of money to pay for insurance for a car that was garaged so I didn’t bother (times are tight after all). I bet you would have done the same. So now obviously my insurance lapsed, but so what, I renewed it as soon as I got back. So what’s the problem?

Fast forward six months…

On the way to work I am pulled over and given a ticket. Not for speeding, not for improper turns or even faulty equipment, but for SUSPENDED PLATES! I ask the officer what’s up and he explains the plates have been suspended for about 3 months. Now what he was doing running my plates when I had done nothing wrong is a question I wonder about, but the only thing on the citation was for suspended plates. “It’s a fix it ticket and you won’t be fined if you take care of it…” was his exact words. Boy was that wrong.

Onward to the DMV to find out what happened. Well it seems that because my insurance lapsed for the two months I mentioned above my plates were suspended. What? Excuse me I was not even in the state and the car was garaged, why did I have to pay for a service that I was not using? I stopped my cable and newspaper for the same time, no problem there. Didn’t matter, if you own a car in the state the car must me insured whether it is used or not. Really? That makes no sense, what about display cars? What about non-operable cars? Turns out if I wanted to lapse my insurance for two months I would have had to come down to the DMV and fill out a form informing them of the dates (as if I would have known the dates for my travel) then come back and fill out another form to reinstate the insurance. All of this is at no charge other than standing in line for about 4 hour each time. No thank you. If this is available online I was not informed but I COULD NOT FIND THIS ONLINE. Upshot: It cost me $250 to get my plates out of suspense and I renewed them while I was at it so I didn’t get pulled over for expired plates.

What is really messed up is the timeline this all happened in. First there was the lapse of insurance for two months. Two months AFTER that the DMV sent out a card that said my plates were suspended. When I card went out I had insurance. That card was return by the postal service as if I had moved; I had not. The problem with the postal service is a completely different rant, but one not quite on point here, although I do blame the Post Office for this mess. Please note that there is no warning, no attempt to correct the situation, just an arbitrary suspension of my plates even though I was insured at the time of the suspension. The suspension period is in no way overlapping the time I was actually uninsured (which would make sense). It’s sorta like whacking your dog in the nose with a rolled up DMV Ordinance Book two months after the cat dropped the dead bird in the kitchen. The dog did nothing wrong, what was wrong was easily solved, and the punishment was completely overblown when the event had been completely forgotten and never even really noted in the first place.

Now to phase two, dealing with the courts over this.

There are two sets of windows at the court house when dealing with tickets, municipal court and all others. This was a municipal court ticket and the line moved slow, I mean really slow. You would watch then numbers being called slowly and between each one it seemed the clerks would take a break between each one. Some would literally just sit there waiting for the number called to come up, some times up to 5 minutes without someone coming before they finally got the idea that no-one was coming. Sometimes they would chat with the clerk in the next window over, now two windows not helping anyone. It was criminal while a hundred people waited to be called. Oh, and wouldn’t you know the other windows moved about 10 times faster, I did the math.

Anyway I finally get to the window and show all the paper work and am told: Another $350 for the courts time. WHAT??? I was told this was a fix it ticket, here it’s fixed. Nope, the court fees were $350 dollar for something that I fixed, that was not a problem in the first place, that I was not informed about because the Post Office screwed up (BTW, I got confirmation on this and was able to prove residency but it did not matter). “Well sir, you can always tell it to the judge…” came for the bored clerk. Well, I had invested a lot of time in this so far, and in fact if you include the $250 and $350 it would have been a lot cheaper to have continued the insurance than to put up with all this, but in for a penny in for a pound and I was given a court date a month later.

The final phase, getting before a judge.

So down to the courts I go. Remember those lines I had to sit in for the ticket the first time? Well I had to sit in them again just to get on that days docket. Yep another wait that would render the most sane person questionable after it. Then after I got on the docket… “Come back at 3pm but be here at 2pm to check in and wait again.” I had cleared the whole day for this… I was right to have done it. Ridiculous.

I will skip the line to check in and then the line to get in and then the wait for the court to come to session (30 MINUTES LATE) and move on to what I should plea. This is an interesting question. I was indeed driving on suspended plates, but the plates should never have been suspended in the first place. Guilt? No, again, the plates should not have been suspended in the first place. No contest? Same as guilty right? Not guilty? Well this would at least let me state my case. Then I am interrupted in this reverie and find out this is just a hearing court and if I state “Not Guilty” I would have to come back again. Again… all this because some stupid DMV ordinance that is very faulty suspended my plates…

Quite frankly I could not afford to take another day to deal with this, so with the taste of disgust in my mouth I plead “No contest” and was not given a chance to talk, and the judge knocked $100 off the court costs.

Total fines, fees, and time lost from work for this whole Megillah: $806
Cost for two months insurance: $248

One of the things that I noticed though were how many people seemed to be in the same predicament. In the session I sat in on there were at least 7 others with the same suspended plates issue. This really makes me think… So, did the DMV suspend plates without notice on purpose to raise revenues? Were the police asked to run as many plates as they could to catch as many people as possible with this scam? It seems far fetched but oddly doable. If you think about it this is possible. What amazes me when you think about it is how many people really got caught in the scam and never made it this far? How many just paid all the fines and never really thought the whole thing through. Now what I wonder is how many other scams are there to raise revenues off the shady dealings of the DMV.

I think it would be fair to say that the majority of players in WoW who farm do not mind sharing the resources of a server. Anyone who has farmed Sholazar Basin for herbs knows that the competition for herbs is huge, but that is fine because of the abundant number of herb nodes. It is when certain elements come into an area to farm that players get upset. More about that later.

Here are a couple of things to think about:

1) Farm all you like, but if there is another person near or on top of the node you want to farm pass it by, there are always other herbs.

2) It is not worth getting upset about loosing one or two herbs to another more aggressive player. They may not have seen you, or they may think you were at a particular location for some other reason. So, be understanding, it is only one or two herbs after all.

3) Topping off: Don’t: This is when players have full bags and are filling out the secondary harvests. We all can agree the Crystallized Life, Deadnettle, and Frost Lotus are good money makers, but when you farm for these leaving the primary herb (Gold Clover, Adder’s Tongue, and Tiger Lily) the node does not regenerate secondary herbs. Please take everything from the herb so the regeneration will spawn new secondary herbs. And here is something to think about; if you farmed 100 nodes and came up with say 5 Frost Lotus (doing very well) and never take the primary herb, if you were to visit those herbs again you would get NO Frost Lotus because the nodes did not respawn. If you only want the seconds, take the whole thing then literally dump the rest, or better yet sell it. Better for you, better for me, better for everyone.

4) Flight paths: If you spot another farmer, don’t follow them. Be polite, turn off and find another patch of herbs and farm those. I know it’s annoying when I run into the same person over and over again in the same general flight path as mine.

5) He who lands first gets the herb. If you run into a situation where you are going for the same herb as another farmer or two or three, the guy who lands first should get it and all other should leave and let him have it. Think of this as the right of way at a stop sign when driving.

What’s a Bot?

A bot in terms of WoW is any player using specialized macros, addons, or third party programs to run their character for them. Sometimes these bots run AFK and sometimes there is an operator watching. In any case running a character as a bot is against the WoW EULA but that does not stop anything. Most of these bots are farming bots. They can farm herbs, ores, skins, or specific drops. Generally they are then selling on the market (after offloading to a bank alt) for gold to use for a main, or to sell on the grey market for cash. Needless to say if there is real money involved these bots don’t give a damn about you and fairness in the game, all they want are the resources.

Spotting a Bot

Spotting a bot is really not too hard. If you watch them they will land on an herb perfectly every time they land. I don’t know about you, but after doing this a while I can land on a node perfectly, but far from every time, human reactions are just not that good. So, if they land perfectly every time you see them, they are likely a bot.

Another giveaway is speed. Now I know we can add haste to our characters, but it is no match for clock ticks on a computer. The average person will spend about 8-12 seconds per gather (land, locate and click the herb, call your mount again, and go) but bots will do this even faster by the several seconds we humans use to process.

Generally bots are not chatty, so if you say something about them in local they ignore it. You can even whisper them and they ignore you simply because there is no one watching to respond. Some of the newer bots will respond and give you some generalized reply to simulate being real. The simplest way to catch these bots is to ask a specific question requiring a specific answer. If you do not like the answer, they are a bot.

One thing to remember is that sometimes these bots do have operators watching and so will start up a conversation. Just because they are chatty does not mean they are not using bot programs. If confronted the operators will almost always point out that they are not running third party programs or that Blizz couldn’t know they are running third party programs. Sticking with the premise “me thinks thou protests too much”, they are probably bots. If other characters stick up for the confronted suspected bot, it is likely that they are the same player using different accounts to protect the bot. Remember, for the person doing the bot it may be a business and they have many ways of protecting their money source. Finally the suspected bot will either leave the area to farm some other patch or simply go offline until things cool down. The last thing a bot wants is to have Blizz look at them and find out what is going on.

For me it is the bots in the game that really screw up the dynamics of the game. It is only logical that players will farm in a game that has an economy but when the resources are artificially stretched because of farming, the game dynamic is effected and the relaxing pastime of farming becomes frustrating and players become stressed. The last thing Blizz wants is stressed players.

A Word on Druids

It has now become apparent that if you want to farm you should be a druid that has a flight form. Since it seems you can gather without having to dismount and remount, you cut time on herb by probably 3- 6 seconds increasing your gather rate substantially. I am wondering if this is fair. Personally I think that Blizz should not allow the ability to gather when in a different form to equalize the game. As it stands being a druid gives them an innate advantage in farming. But being a Druid that sorta makes sense. Or does it?

Governor Sanford of South Carolina was in Argentina getting it on with his mistress and not out hiking the Appalachian Trail. Did anyone really think he was out hiking? Really? Honestly I really do not care if he was hiking or having an orgy with under aged boys, it is not my business nor anyone else’s. What is bothering me is that Republicans who espouse to be so strongly for family values are now supporting the Governor as if the family values that they hold so dear are only values when it is convenient. Republican representatives are instead praising the Governor for making public the affair as if confessing the sin makes it all ok. That may work in church, but last I checked a freely given confession still ends you up in jail in the courts of South Carolina.

I just don’t get it, the hypocrisy I mean. I thought hypocrisy was a sin and the republican we so strongly right wing that these sort of flip flopping would be counter to dogma.

The republican need to get in agreement, throw Sanford under the bus and get on with it. He needs to be the first pariah of the new political age. While you are at it add Ensign and Stevens to the spot under the bus and move on and be consistent.

Now we are looking at days of coverage about a stupid news item.

I am a movie fan. Anyone who really knows me knows that for me the cinema is the best escape from day to day life. They also know that I got this from my grandfather who would pick me up in an ugly faded green Nash Rambler every week. We would stop by the local Thrifty Drug and pick up candy to sneak in (he had a trick jacket just for this with holes in the pockets so could load up the lining with goodies) and we would go to the movies. He was always careful to be sure we got our drinks and popcorn (which we did sometimes) telling me “this is where they make their money, so get something so they stay in business”. I learned then that the ticket price went right back to the studios, concessions went to the theaters. But even back then a 15¢ Hershey Bar was $.95 and that was outrageous (and this was before “movie sized” candy). We never really paid much attention to the Oscars other than it was cool to see if we had seen any of the ones that won awards. I was always amazed that with him we ALWAYS saw the best picture of the year. He would call that one and never got it wrong.

My sister was never into the movies as much as me and my grandfather, but apparently every year she goes away for an Oscar Weekend. She does the whole spa treatment and pampering and then goes to her hotel room and indulges in the Oscars. It’s as good an excuse as any for a get away, she certainly enjoys it.

Certainly in our house Oscar night was special. The whole family would get special dispensation from mom to stay up late and complain how slow they handed out the awards. How, “damn it, it’s 11:35 and they still haven’t handed out Best Picture?” would pass my fathers lips as he nodded off in the big chair every year. It was they only night of the year my mother would burn popcorn for us to munch on (thank god for copious amounts of melted margarine). It was not until I was in my teens that we would actually try to predict who would win what category and that sort of added a new edge to the show. It was all luck for most part, but it was fun. So in that light, here are my picks for the 2009 Oscars in order how they are presented on the Oscars Website (sorta):

Best Actor: Frank Langella Sean Penn (hardest pick all night)
Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger
Best Actress: Kate Winslet (she’s due)
Best Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz

Best Director: Slumdog Millionaire (an unusual split from Best Actor / Picture)
Best Picture: Frost / Nixon (I went with what I thought was best...)

Best Animated Feature: WALL-E (better message than KFP)
Art Direction: Benjamin Button
Cinematography: Slumdog Millionaire (should be Button)
Costume Design: Austrailia Dutchess
Editing: The Dark Knight Slumdog, undeserved
Makeup: Benjamin Button (should The Dark Knight though)
Music/Song: Slumdog Millionaire
Score: Slumdog Millionaire
Sound Editing: The Dark Knight
Sound Mixing: Wanted Slumdog, this was just wrong
Visual Effects: Iron Man Benjamin Button
Adapted Screenplay: Doubt Slumdog
Original Screenplay: MILK (should be WALL-E)

I did not do all of them simply because I have not seen “best foreign film” or “animated short”.

I know my list looks very different from what a lot of the critics are saying, but I think that while this year had a lot of very good films there was no one stand out that everyone was going to say was “it”. No one film brought every element of film making to perfection in my opinion. Also, I do not think that just feeling good about a movie is a reason to call it a “best picture”. With all this in mind I have to remember who is voting on the nominees, it is the film industry and not the critics and the Academy often feels different from the critics who are usually full of hot air when it comes to understanding the movies they are watching. So my picks are from years of Academy Watching; I could be right, I could be wrong, but if I am right this is going to be an interesting year at the Oscars.

After about a year of taking online courses I have to wonder what exactly I am learning and why colleges bother to hire professors.

In all the classes I am taking the curriculum is based on whatever textbook is chosen as appropriate for the course. In the case of the college I am going to (which is in most respects a traditional “students attend in person” college) the college has taken the idea of choosing texts one step further and have chosen a publisher to provide the courses of study taught at the college. So in effect is not the publisher of the texts then the professors at the college? Are not the authors of the text the experts that should be teaching the classes that I want to attend?

As it stands, the professors at the college present students with a text, they read from the text and supposedly create assignments and projects based on the text. However, the assignments could indeed be created by the text authors, projects put together by the publishers, and finally all the quizzes and exams written by the publishers and authors. If this is the case, why are we bothering to hire professors? What exactly do they bring to the learning experience that is not already provided by the text authors and publishers?

It was always my understanding that colleges were places of higher learning. I thought higher learning was something more creative than just reading a book and parroting the facts back. So where is that creative higher learning? I want to be there; I want to think about things that are new and cutting edge. I thought that professors were people who invoked original thought from their students? I thought college and professors passed on ideas that may not be published, examined, determined, judged, argued, written down, scrutinized, re-examined in various editions, judged again and finally just accepted. Isn’t there supposed to be an original thought somewhere? Weren’t professors the gardeners of human knowledge? Weren’t students supposed to be the fertile soil tended by professors in which new ideas grew? Where is that? What if the texts are wrong?

Seriously, with the current teaching in college you might as well get high school teachers to teach the subjects. There is no point in paying professors with letters behind their names if they are not going to teach something other than what is written in the textbooks. After all, is that not why you hired the professor with letters after their names in the first place, to teach something new, to bring a new perspective to the subject, a fresh way of looking at something, to explore their ideas and promote “higher learning”?

Recently I asked the following question to my “online professors”:

Please forgive the perceived sarcasm, but I have been taking online classes now for a year and it seems that there is very little “taught” in these classes that you could not get by buying the book, reading it and doing the review. So, what is it that you, as a professor, offer me in terms of value add to this course of education aside from accreditations?

Not one of the professors could answer this question. The least answer I was expecting was “guidance” or ‘expertise”; but even these answers did not arrive. This is interesting when you think about it. I am taking classes to get my BA in Secondary Education with an emphasis in computer programming and fine arts and I have already thought about this question and I know what I would answer if this question were asked of me. My answer:

I hope to bring to the student a new and fresh way of looking at a subject beyond what may be written in any textbook. I bring years of experience in the business world and an understanding of what may be expected in a career in programming or fine arts that is just not written about in any text. I have analytical skills that help me to understand what it is you need to learn better and more fully. My goal is to give you the student tools that you can use and be successful with. Hopefully my experience and ways of understanding things can help you. I am here to help you be successful and creative.

I think my answer is pretty good. I think that when a student eventually asks me that question he/she will be happy with my answer. I think at that point my having letters behind my name is not proof that I read the books, but rather, a signal that I have added to the world in some way and this is recognized with degrees. I hope to inspire new minds and tend to new ideas encouraging them to grow.

Right now I have to go back to work and read more textbooks and not really learn anything at all, just dedicate to memory information that will be forgotten about 5 minutes after the exam that must be taken in order to get my credits for the degree that will be earned on information that is fugitive and really not needed for anything that I will be doing in the future.

Someone hand me a #2 pencil.

This is a work of fiction based on an online game I play called EVE. You can find out more about it by clicking on the banner to the right of this article.

The Icarus Effect

Brother Ivannois knew he could not advance within his order until he had attempted and lived through the Icarus Effect; a dream state induced by a triple dose of the Sooth Sayer Booster. He had already transferred his pod to a tricked out Condor, a very fast and nimble ship. He was told that he should use the fastest ship he could afford and one that maneuvered as best as he could withstand; it would all add to the effect and make survival easier. He tipped the booster into cerebral feed two.

The ship was ejected from the station; he invoked the booster for the first time.

The contraband fluid coursed through the tubes feeding the cerebral implants and he slipped seamlessly from consciousness to a light trance, ships sensors feeding his heightened awareness. Every ship outside the station became known to him, his sense of their movement and trajectories became an intricate dance. He moved the ship with but a thought now, a thought to dance with the ships around him. In his diminished awareness he knew he had to continue the experience to the Icarus Effect. He willed his disembodied hand to boost again, something not normally done.

The second dose of Sooth Sayer hit his brain and the ship he was in was gone. Ivannois was floating in space, aware of all the ships, stations, asteroids, planets and even space junk that moved and surrounded him. He shot from ship to ship to junk to container floating in space with the ease of walking, easier in fact. He examined each for their queer beauty and moved on, finally making a huge jump to explore the moon that the station he’d left orbited.

In preparing for this experience he had rigged a special circuit that would deliver the final dose of the booster if he was too far into the experience to remember. The third and final dose hit and his living dream-world became his reality.

Spaced shredded. Ivannois was no longer in an open reality, but one where the very folds of the universe could be experienced. He was ripping his way through psychotically hued ripples heading toward the undulating and pulsating sphere that was a moon. He could feel his hand grasping the folds and pulling him along; his feet were kicking as if swimming, impelling him forward, and the wings on his back steered him to his destination, cutting through gossamer sheets of space; wakes of rippling light from his travels could be seen behind him. As he looked something new caught his eye, something scintillating.

He turned his back to the moon he was heading for and stopped to appraise the gem in the cosmic kaleidoscope he was now part of. He began to reach for the radiant object, his desire now fixed on it. Ivannois was convinced if he could possess the glorious object he could completely escape from the universe and find a permanent Nirvana of his own. So strong was the feeling he flung his unfettered body at the star unmindful of any ill effect.

The chromatic display of folded space as he approached was strong and blinding, but that mattered not in the least to Ivannois whose fascination overwhelmed any remenents of his caution. He felt in his heart that all his questions would be answered as the miasma of light and complex space surrounded and overwhelmed him. The universe faded to white…

Brother Ivannois awoke several hours later, the pain in his head so tragic he could barely stand it; but that was nothing compared to the despair he felt for not reaching his utopia. He read the ship logs and found that the ship had automatically returned him to a safe spot when the ship entered into the corona of the star and the armor plating began melting off.

Brother Ivannois sat in his pod and wept.

I think there is an inherent flaw in our American system and philosophy. I think this flaw is what is making our lives difficult. I think it is the reason that we are not excelling as a leader of the world. I think that it is costing us as Americans too much money. I think it may be a fundamental flaw in interpreting the meaning of the founding fathers. I think that we are mistaking “Equal” (as in “all men are created equal”) with “Same”.

It should be plain to see once you point it out that “equal” is not the same as “same”. “Same” implies that all elements and circumstances are similar or even identical, and when taken as an abstract whole can be considered to have a value. “Equal” does not have the same implication that the whole(s) as in comparison be the same or even remotely similar, but in the end have a comparatively similar value. For example, a person with 10 small American flags is the same as another person with 10 small American flags. However, you could say that the person with 10 small American flags is equal to a person with 1 large American flag. In both cases there is value in the flags, but in one the value is compared directly unit for unit and in the other a judgment is made that 10 small flags is comparable to one large flag. I know it is subtle, but this is important.

This concept it hit me years ago when confronted with Women’s Rights issues that my ex was so fond of quoting. I personally did not have a problem with equal pay for equal work, or consideration for pregnancy and so on. What I had an issue with was that some of these women wanted to be treated the same as a man. I do not care how you cut it, there are ways in which men and women are different and that cannot be changed. As a general rule men are more physical and generally women are more emotional, and therefore there are jobs more suited to each. There are exception on both sides, I am not talking about exceptions except that they prove the rule and I have no problems with the exception either, but when a woman wants a man to treat her exactly like a man, we have a problem. After all, viva la difference! In this way women are seeking equality with men but not parity. Some women have not figured out that equity does not have to mean sameness or parity, but rather equality in worth, salary and respect. I for one like holding a door for a woman, it is polite and recalls more chivalrous days and a higher civility. I do not have to have the door held for me by a woman; she is doing it for the wrong reason and does not get the point of the door holding and Women’s Rights (unless she is doing it for the right reasons [politeness] which I do not discount).

(Oy… all this politically correct speak and such, truly I do not mean any prejudice against anyone, but I still have watch every word and phrasing.)

So in the above example can we agree that women are looking for equality and not sameness? Are we really looking for women to wear pant suits instead of something more flattering? Should women give up what makes them special just to fit in with everyone else? And while we are at it, shouldn’t we as men wear dresses occasionally to make women more comfortable? Hmm… let’s get real about it all and move on understanding that equality does not mean everyone must fit the same mold.

So, let’s move on to a more immediate and potentially more devastating program that is now being evoked within our school system, the No Child Left Behind Act of 2001. While ostensibly a reauthorization bill with the inclusion of high standards for children and more teacher accountability, it has in actuality become the “every child must go to collage act”. It has now standardized scholastic testing and teacher evaluation and forced these on schools by refusing funding if the goals are not met. It also treats all kids the same and really does not take into account the special needs of some children. But let’s be clear here, it should be obvious that not all children are the same and no matter what we do not every child will be college material, and there is nothing wrong with the child if in the end they are not college material.

Because of this massive educational act we are now treating all children the same, not equal, but the same. In the system now if a child is more academically inclined, good at reading and math and such, they do well because the system is set up for them. On the other hand if a child is artistically gifted (or may struggle with a learning disability or some other issue that impairs their ability to learn) and not as apt at academics, their education is being neglected in an effort to bring these children to parity with academically inclined students.

It is a wonderful idea to think that college is available to all students and if this true it is a great stride forward for the education system in our country, but it is a different thing to say that all student must attend college. To paraphrase Erasmus, “In the country of Doctors, the Plumber reigns supreme!” In fact you can replace Doctors with any single college product and replace Plumbers with any blue collar occupation and still be on the right track. The point of the above is that in order for the country and society to move along smoothly you need a work force that does not have to be college trained. In fact, as is portrayed every year in June as the college grad get ready to look for work, there are far few jobs available for these college grads than most expect. Also, being a college grad with letter after their names they expect a pay rate that is well above those who do not attend more advanced education. This is required to pay off college loans. So where is the fairness in all this? In making everyone the same we are killing ourselves because their isn’t a plumber in the house.

We have to face the very real truth that all children are different, but all children must be allowed equal opportunity to excel. This does not mean they need the “same opportunities” to excel, it means that they are allowed to grow where they need to grow and into a life they need to be successful. An artistic child needs to be guided and enriched through the arts. A child with a mathematical ability needs to be guided to areas of pursuit that takes advantage of these gifts. In some cases the children will grow up and go to college, in other cases they may enroll in a trade school or work as an apprentice in a blue collar field, or finally not attend college at all if it does not suit them. But what is amazing in this scenario is that all these options are available.

It really is about the American Dream, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” The child says “I want to be a doctor.” Fine, we can provide you a path to that. Another child answers that she wants to be a poet, do poets need college? Some would say yes, some would disagree, but the options are there for the child’s choosing. Yes, some, many in fact, will go to college and take positions that our society needs filled. Yes, many in fact, will not go to college and take positions that our society needs filled.

The problem with creating a standardized program where everyone has the same expectations and are required to fill the same roles and everyone is expected to go to college is you get a standardized student. Right now it would seem the standardized student is not good enough compared to with global expectations. It seems to me when you give the student the keys to their own future, allow then to make the choices that they will take into the future, the overall effect was an overall better society.

Break the “sameness” mold, shoot for equality.

This is a work of fiction based on an online game I play called EVE. You can find out more about it by clicking on the banner to the right of this article.

Incident In Aunia

Captain Jay Harshaw is a tall man with a strange look and a somewhat addled mind, but one thing for sure, if you need something done, he could probably do it; if you could peak his interest, and that was harder than most would think. He stands 2.1 meters with wild hair in a race between silver and bald, and bald was winning. He has a habit of wearing his old Gallente Military fatigues, holdovers from the Caldari war. In fact, these fatigues are so out of style that they came back in style and are now tragically completely out of style again, not that he cares. But what most people notice first is the strange smirk that is constantly on his face, a smirk that says everything may not be functioning properly upstairs. At 64 years of age Captain HJ (HJ because when asked his name he always replied in military parlance, “HarshawJ, Captain of the good ship Arkenstone, Placcid Mining Corporation, payroll number triple zero two”) was still sharp in most matters, but one can never be certain when he will slip around the bend.

“Sir?...”

Ensign Benson nudged the Captain and the low sonic noises on the bridge ceased to the relief of the crew. HJ opened one eye and scanned the bridge lazily, his eye stopping on the all too anxious face of Carl Benson, Ensign.  “You’re mother mated with a Minmatar; what is so important that you had to disturb my cogitating?”

“We may have a problem Sir.”

“We may have a problem have we? And what exactly is the problem you think we may have Ensign, Benson?” Now he remembered why he hired the moonfaced boy standing next to him; Ensign, Benson; he was worth hours of fun at the dupes’ expense. He chuckled to himself which was of course interpreted by the crew as a sure sign the Captain may be off his medication again.

“Astrometrics reported a blip about 100 clicks out maybe an hour ago. It appeared, then disappeared about 5 seconds later. We didn’t pay it much attention, it could have been another miner passing by. But a couple of minutes ago astrometrics noted a warp signature starting in the same place but no blip. The logs show the ship an hour ago was a small ship, a frigate, maybe an Imicus class ship; they are often used by startup miners.”

“So where exactly is the problem? We get buzzed by other miners every day. They buzz us, they see the hulking HJS Arkenstone and the orbiting Hammerheads and get the picture; leave us alone. Unless you figure the blip an hour ago was not just another miner, is that it?” Of course that was it. HJ knew the signs of a cloaked ship when he heard them. And a ship that could warp out cloaked; he knew what that was all too well, covert ops.

“Sir, it could have been a Helios, a modified Imicus.”

“Is that a question or a statement Benson?”

The Ensign was sweating now; he had heard the rumors of other Ensigns that had not lived up to Capt. HJ’s expectation; rumors of frozen corpses being found amongst the minerals that the Arkenstone mined. In fact he never would have taken the position had the pay not been so monumental! Captain HJ was the only captain in the region that would take on a greenhorn and give him a full share and that was nothing to sneeze at considering the Arkenstone was noted to turn a billion ISK or more in two weeks. By his calculation the crew must all be very well off and he wanted in on that certainly.

Benson bit his lip, straightened his back and pronounced, “That’s a statement Sir!”

HJ looked him over and keyed the comm system on his panel. “Engineering, how many cans do we have out right now?” Lt. Commander Argyle snapped back, “We have eight out sir. Number nine is assembling now and will re-can number one in about a minute.”

“Are you loading the gifts in each can as per protocol Sean?” The sounds of a quick cargo inventory could be heard in the background, “Aye sir, eight cans out, eight toys out, one per can.”

The Captain flicked off the comm and slouched further into his seat. Ensign Benson was still standing there, looking as prim as could be. “Sir, any orders?”

“What would you have me do against a ghost ship that we could not identify and may be nothing at all?” HJ let out a sigh and then, “Resume your station at communications Ensign and open a channel to corporate. Get me the CEO; get me Colonel Tibbets.”

With a snappy “Yes Sir” ensign Benson returned to the comm, happy to have something to do. “Opening channel sir, it will be a minute or so…”

The atmosphere on the bridge got tense even though the captain seemed to be as casual (or distracted) as usual. He stood up, ran a hand through his hair which did not tame it a bit and said, “I bet you don’t even remember the Caldari war, do you Benson?” The crew on the bridge groaned. “Those were the days… the tactics were harsh, the tech was new and incredible and a man could be trusted to give everything for the Federation. Those were the days; it was even before clones.

You know I used to be a frigate pilot? That is where I got most of my training in fact. I flew Atron Mk II’s, before they could fit micro warp drives on them. They were still fast though and they were ugly and I loved them. Ever notice that people love the ugly ships more? They do you know. I wonder why? Well anyways, you learned fast or you died. Heh, we wouldn’t even talk to new pilots until they had at least 5 sorties under their belt and even then there was no respect until they flown 10 and had 10 confirmed kills. After that life was better in the Militia, but it was still hard, always living on the edge. It was that edge that made life sharp and in focus, colors brighter, beer better. I hated the Caldari, but I loved them for giving me that lust for the edge in life. They were real sons of bi…”

“Sir, the Colonel.”

HJ pulled himself out of his revelries and turned to face the forward screen. “Fat Man, what is it you want?” came the crisp booming voice of Paul Tibbets from the screen.

“Little Boy, good to see you. I just wanted to let you know that we may have to play with our toys and all that. Is there any reason we shouldn’t?” Tibbets thought it over a second. “No, it has been a while since you played with them… six years?”

“No sir, seven years going on eight.”

“Really? Well it’s about time then. You know who it is?”

“Well, it’s not Serpentis, Blood Raiders, or Thukkars, they don’t operate this way from the signs I am seeing. Angel Cartel is a possibility, but I think we would have been hit by now. It’s probably a new group, well funded, and trying to be smart about grabbing ore. That’s what I am counting on.”

“Are we going to have problems with Concord, HJ?”

“Not in this system, were still in empire. Unless Concord has changed the rules we shouldn’t have a problem in any case.”

“Well stick to corporate protocol and I will back your play any way you do it. Tibbets out.”

“Captain, new warp trail reading, this one closer. No ship on scanner.” said Lt. Axelrod from the astrometrics station.

HJ sat down again showing no signs of nervousness even if every other member of the crew were now fidgeting and fussing in some manner. “Mr Axelrod, give me 15 degree scans along the system plane of the ecliptic. Look for fleets or gangs forming within about 4 AU. Mr. Haas, recall the drones and launch the Tech 2 drones, just in case. Engineering, Sean you listening? Warm up the invulnerability screens and the afterburners to be on the safe side. Goggles, leave the roids we’re mining targeted, relock the remaining targeting slots on our cans; we may have to pop them ourselves. And no matter what happens, don’t stop mining. Ensign, take us to yellow alert, silent siren.”

The ships’ interior was momentarily bathed in cruel yellow light as the crew went about their tasks preparing for hostiles. The roll call of stations could be heard over the comm as all hands took positions.

“Now where was I… oh yeah, frigates as dog fighters, that was surely seat of you pants flying; fast, gutsy, and more than a little insane. But I have to admit, when it comes down to a duel, a knife fight as it were, I will go against any other pilot out there in a frig before I use a bigger ship… after all why waste a big ship when the small ships are truly skill. You will know the better pilot after a frig fight, no doubt about it.

But that’s not where I earned my rank… no the militia had other ideas for me. It was the battle of Serpents Coil, in Vilinnon. Several of our battle cruisers had spotted and damaged the command ship but couldn’t finish the job. We were low on ships, but we knew that if we could just take out their commander the Caldari would do what they always did and that was turn and run. Three ships were asked to give the ultimate for the war, I was one of them. Two of our Thorax rammed the repper ships supporting the commander and I was to lance the command ship and finish her off. Only right, I was in an early version of the Ishkur. Needless to say our cruisers occupied the attention of the repper ships and that left the command ship open. I made my run. As I lanced that ship through the bridge it blew taking my ship with it of course. I fully expected my pod to eject into the middle of massive explosions and I was a goner. It was what I lived for, it was what I would die for, I was ready for it. But something happened and my pod blew right through the ship. It nearly killed me, but I had just enough cap to warp out and spend the next three months recovering at a station.

Little did I know that I had just paid the piper into a new fighter wing whose entry ticket was survival of a suicide run. High command moved me to the 108th Stealth Bomber Wing, the Fat Men.”

Benson interrupted, “Ah, I heard of them! They call them Fat Men because they fly Tristans. Right?”

“No that’s not it… we flew a prototype ship back then, what was to become the Nemesis. Common mistake but the name Fat Men came from the ordinance.”

“The ordinance? I don’t get i…”

Klaxons sounded and the bridge of the Arkenstone became awash in the blood red illumination as proximity alerts ripped across the control screens. Two Myrmidon battlecruisers warped in practically on top of them and the whining of being target locked rang from the tactical station.

Goggles looked up, “Both BC’s have locked on to us. We’re being scanned.”

“Stay calm people, remember where we are…”

“Communications open, they want to talk.”

“By all means Ensign Benson, we should talk, open the channel.”

The screen filled with the vision of a Caldari woman, about 2 meters tall, mocha skin, and the most ridiculous uniform you can ever imagine. She came off looking more like a stripper from a pleasure hub than a captain of a ship; certainly she did no work on her vessel. It was almost laughable. “I am Captain Vexia of the corporation Paradise Pirates. Surrender your cargo and we claim the cans in space as free property. And to let you leave in one piece you can deposit 100 million ISK to my account. Or you can die.”

“Captain, captain, right away with the threats and hostility? I’m sure you can be more civil than that? I am Captain Harshaw of the exhumer Arkenstone. To what to I owe the timely visit by you and your…” he looked down over the ships scanner, 9 ships in all had surrounded them, they were organized, “8 companions? Surely not our little mining operation?”

“That is precisely the reason and I have no use for pleasantries… you’re going to give use what I want or would you rather test weather your clone is up to date?”

“My my, we are to the point aren’t we… ok… tell you what, you can have the cans in space. I will withdraw my drones and we’ll be on our way.” HJ nodded to Haas to recall the drones. “As for the ransom… I am not going to pay it. You’re in empire space; you really want to tangle with Concord by firing on me?”

Vexia turned to talk to someone else on her bridge, HJ turned to Benson and had him mute the channel, “How many in their corporation?” Benson looked up, “according to their current charter, 9, this is the whole corporation!”

“Not for long. Unmute. Well Vexia… what’s it going to be?”

She turned back to the screen in anger, restrained herself, “Fine, but jettison everything in your cargo hold too.”

“You mean the ore in my hold? How much is there Mr. Argyle?” “7k plag” “You mean the 7k plag waiting for a can?”

“Yes and whatever is in those small secure containers too”

“There are only two of them, let us at least keep the toys…”

“No, turn them over or damned be Concord, I will vaporize you.”

“One moment…” Benson muted the channel again, “Sean, load it all up, empty the holds, get the screens up and start moving us away with all possible speed. All hands, get to the life pods, this may be a bit rough.” The sound of the Jettison Can being launched shook the ship.

Turning back to address the pirate, “It’s all yours Captain Vexia… you’ll get no problems from us. We’re moving out.”

Captain Vexia laughed. “You carebears are all too predictable… work, work, work and give it all up at the least sign of trouble. You make this job just too easy.”

“Well captain, sounds like we are done then. End transmission.” The last sounds over the channel were the laughs of the crews on the Paradise Pirates ships.

“Sean, we got to get 15km away before they open up one of those toys… move it move it move it. Mr. Axelrod… distance?

“We’re at 9 kilometers. 63 seconds to 15 click mark. Their Badgers are transferring the ore now. They have good ships, each is taking in a whole can or so. They must be rigged.”

“Where’s the Helios?”

“Dead Center, scanning. 12 clicks out.”

“Are they still tightly grouped?”

“All of them within about a 5 click radius. Sir, 15 kilometers out.”

Captain Harshaw let out a big sigh of relief. “Yes Ensign Benson, the ordinance. We were Fat Men, the 109th Stealth Bomber Wing were nicknamed ‘Little Boys’, terms whos origins are lost in antiquity. You see, today most Stealth Bombers are relegated to launching Cruise Missiles. Back in the Caldari War our stealth bombers delivered something with a bit more kick, real bombs. We could only carry three at a time, but we would approach cloaked, target and fly the bombs and get the hell out. Hit and run tactics. That’s why they took people who survived suicide runs, because every run in a Stealth Bomber was potentially a suicide run. But the bombs do a bit more damage than the missiles… what the nick names refer to are really big bombs… Like our toys.”

“Sir, 21 clicks out.”

“Benson, inner-ship… Attention, stand down from pods but be ready for shock waves.”

Goggles grabbed his console, “Number 5 was cracked, 7 seconds, 6, 5, 4…”

“Hold on Ensign, this is libel to throw you…”

“2”

“1”

The forward screen lit up, pure white as a massive explosion engulfed the Paradise Pirates. Every hauler was shredded, the Helios was shattered like so much straw in a tornado. The Myrmidons survived and the comm system blared to life, it was Vexia… “Harshaw…. What the hell have you …” but she never finished the sentence as the remaining bombs made quick work of everything within the 15 kilometer blast radius. There weren’t even asteroids to mine by the time the last bomb popped.

The Arkenstone shook and bucked as the shockwaves moved past it, and while it sustained a fair amount of damage, the structure remained intact. The emergency power and life support kicked in as the bridge crew recovered.

“Activate emergency pressure seals, launch all nanite reppers and internal repair systems. Open sickbay and get anyone who needs it attention. Ok boys, this ain’t over yet. Let’s prey for a Concord Captain with a level head.”

Axelrod chimed in, “Radar and Ladar are down, but I am getting strong Gravametric readings… yes incoming, looks like 4 battleships, 6 battlecruisers, and a mess of smaller ships. They’re all targeting! Damn, in our condition we’ll instapop!”

“Benson, open a channel now, fast.”

“Done, barely.”

“This is Colonel Jay Harshaw, Gallente Militia, retired. Hold you fire, HOLD YOUR FIRE!”

The stern face of a Concord Major appeared on screen. “What in the Blue Blazes of Balthazar’s Binary Nebulas happened here and why the hell shouldn’t I blow you to kingdom come for all the hell you’re going to cause me?”

“Because we didn’t do anything wrong! And to whom am I talking?” Captain Harshaw stood, crossed his arms and managed to look smug. That put the Concord Major off his game; he looked down at his overview.

“I’m Major Dalton, CC4457AKR8331. Let’s see, ambient radiation is 8.2, falling fast thankfully, two battle cruisers, 6 haulers and 5 frigate class ships all destroyed. I also see the wrecks of over 80 escape pods, all empty, all shattered. Incredible. And here you are alive. Care to explain this ‘natural disaster’? Because if it isn’t some freak natural disaster I would surely like to know how one exhumer can cause all this damage.”

“Not so natural Major…” and Captain HJ went on to tell the tale of the last 30 minutes.

By the time HJ finished talking, using his best fast talk and diplomacy, he had Major Dalton convinced that we had single handedly saved the whole system right under his nose. “So no Major, there were no smart bombs used, just good old fashioned bombs, perfectly legal. And in fact you can see by the logs we didn’t even pop them off, they stole them from us first. Check the agro. Then they must have mishandled the bombs and blew themselves up. It just goes to show you the intelligence of some of these pirates.”

“And you did nothing to help it along?”

“Would it matter if I had?”

Major Dalton having just about all he could take just shook his head. “OK, ok. Harshaw, you and your crew would do well to not hang around this system… find somewhere else to “mine”. I am going to call this one a wash. Now get going and don’t let me see you again.”

“Major, your wisdom is immense. You will not see us here again. Arkenstone out.”

Captain Harshaw settled again into the captain’s chair, getting as comfortable as possible. “Mr. Axelrod, take us home to Villore, we need more toys. And you Ensign Benson, don’t disturb my cogitating again.”