One of the things I like to do is take abstract music, such as classical, and paint a tone picture in my mind. One of the best examples of this is “The Sorcerers Apprentice” by Dukas, as portrayed in Fantasia. In fact the whole premise of Fantasia is to take classical music and give it visual form. In this Fantasia succeeds brilliantly and is the reason it is a classic Walt Disney movie that will never go out of style and be with us always.

But I was listening to one of my other favorite pieces and started to paint the scene in my head. The piece is the Egmont Overture, by Ludwig Von Beethoven (op. 84). For me the scene plays out as follows…

We start with an eighteenth century king sitting on his thrown, pontificating to the people how his kingdom is to be run. The King is portrayed by the strong strings and sharper attack on the notes. As the king continues to rule his queen steps in and makes a suggestions. She is portrayed by the softer woodwinds and the more mellow strains of the piece. Immediately the king is not happy to hear any of this and continues his harsher ways. The two get into a brooding conversation and the exchanges are marked by the three bars sets back and forth. Eventually the two are yelling and shouting over each other as they work out the more humane way to rule the kingdom. As the shouts and arguing mount there is a happy agreement and the two rejoice in the happy medium they have found.

These tone paintings are one of the reasons I like Beethoven so much and always will. He does not come out and state that he is painting a picture, but there always seems to be one there. I am currently trying to figure out if my favorite piece by him (the allegretto in the 7th symphony, (that’s the second movement, an absolute masterpiece of theme and variation and the center section with the running pizzicato triplets in the background blows me away)) is also a tone painting or just abstract. It certainly moves me and the more I listen to it the more I think there is an underlying picture, complex though it may be.

Other good composers for this sort of tone painting are Mussorgsky (Pictures at an Exhibition), Stravinsky, Anderson (all his pieces are tone paintings) and Holst. There are others, but these are the ones I like best.

Thought I would share with you all.

One of the asked questions on many sites is “What is you favorite music?” and they usually give a list of styles to choose from. For me that is a very hard question, there is so much music that I like and it is all good, well at least for me.

A partial list of musical styles I like: Classical, Opera, Blues, Improvisational Jazz, Folk, Rock, Barbershop, most A Capella, Standards, Oldies, Comedy, Chant, Reggae, some Hip Hop, Quarter Tone (this is experimental with 28 notes to an octave), Electronic, many Asian Influenced Classical, and more.

But why music is important to me is that it is an escape that I can take without having to leave my own head. It calms me, it energizes me, makes me think, urges me to laugh and to cry, and makes me feel. When I a struggling for answers I put in some music and let it take me away and my mind starts to function at a higher level. In fact the more complex the music the higher my brain functions. All this weaves answers to me in the strains of the music.

Interestingly enough psychologist are just now really understanding the relationship to music and higher thought processes. The reason that certain music is conducive to certain modes of though is the subtly of the underlying math. Turns out that the patterns in music are extremely mathematical (in fact they are logarithmic). By exposing yourself to these patterns your brain will start perceiving other patterns around you and throughout your life. This allows a paradigm for your thoughts to process and thus think better, be more creative, relax, or simply escape the constantly repeating thoughts that are prevailing at the time. It is the shift of patterns that the brain likes and that makes music so effective and influential.

This mental lubricant can bring forth fond memories. For me the song “Bridge Over Troubled Waters” as sung by Simon and Garfunkel is an especially strong association. It evokes thoughts of my Grandfather and how much I miss him. I usually end up in tears by the time the song is over and feel so much better for it. I know that when I perform it I cannot do so without getting highly emotional.

Music is the lubricant for the soul. It is also a window into how we think and process the world around us. It is an indicator of our attitudes and leanings, our emotions and convictions.

Have you ever wondered why you do not get along with people with different tastes in music? Well, it is simply that your brain does not function well with that style and if you are exposed to a contrary style you become irritated. It is why when two people begin a relationship tastes in music are so important. I know. I could not stand my Ex’s music and she did not like mine. We had to isolate the other from our music to get along. It was a strain on the relationship certainly.

But to be fair, you can learn to like most styles of music given enough exposure and time. I used to hate Country and Western. It just did not feel right and I avoided it like the plague. But I had a girlfriend who was really into it and over time I came to like it too. To be honest I forced myself into it, but as of now I can take C&W or leave it, but I do not dislike it. The brain is an amazingly adaptable thing.

But whatever the music, it is a reflection of you and lets you process thoughts. We “veg out” to our tunes, let the music release endorphins and make us feel better. We have them on in the background during chores that we dislike, and then they are not so bad because the music takes away the boredom of the repetitious tasks.

Music. We live it, and it is us.

I seem to be on a deeper level of thought today, so I will ask this question: When people say they want someone to have a good and meaningful conversation with, that kind of conversation are they talking about? Are you looking for a political discussion? Philosophical? Metaphysical? Transcendental? Intellectual? Humorous? Religious? Cultural? Ethnic? Pop Culture? Current Events? Personal? Emotional? Something else altogether? What?

Do you want a debate on a subject? Many subjects? Do you want to be the lead in the debate or do you want someone else to bring up points to make you think. How deep of a discussion are you willing to have? Are you willing to entertain new ideas or do you want to spread your ideas to others? Are you willing to concede a point if someone else provides a good case? Are you willing to accept that if someone concedes a point they mean it and move on? Do you want to learn new things or teach?

Having a discussion can take on many forms, and I have to wonder what you really mean by saying you want a good conversationalist. To be honest with you all, I have found that many people who say they want a conversation are just looking for some that will talk at all and if the discussion should get deeper they are not really interested. I know that I can hold a good conversation, I am very adept at it. I can listen, I can communicate my ideas clearly, and I know when to admit I was wrong. Do you, the seeker of a conversation know how to do these things as well?

Not to sound arrogant, but these same people looking for good conversation do not have the vocabulary for such a dialog. It is frustrating to have them skirt a topic because the words are not there (like I just did, but had I not used circumlocution would you have known what I meant?) Just how esoteric do you want to get or can get?

On flipside, if you engage in a conversation with someone who is adept at the art of conversation, do you turn off? Is that person then just too smart? Are you looking for someone smarter than you, at your level or below you? Is it an ego thing? Do you want to match wits? Can you accept being outwitted? Touché …

I ask all these questions because this is something I do. In fact I do it professionally. I lecture at UNLV on the topic of “Cognitive Psychology as related to Artificial Intelligence; Moral and Ethical Imperatives” at the graduate level. I do not have a degree in this but it is a very wide topic and I hold my own and usually blow away all but a few of the sharper students and most professors. Could you handle a conversation at that level? Would you care to try?

Is this entry too pedantic for you? If so, are you sure you want a good conversationalist? Or maybe you just want someone to chat with. In any event, I would love to know what you all mean by “wanting a good conversationalist”.

(OK, so this was a fairly smartass entry, but I still want to know.)

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We all have had breakups, and we all hear thing during those breakups. But there are things that I have heard for years that are beginning to ring hollow, and that bothers me.

For me there are three things that ring hollow. The first one is “I want us to be friends…” This is tough for me because when I have a lover I am serious about being with that lover. Previously, when I was with a lover they were just that, a lover and I considered that if it should work out that they may be more than just a lover, but someone that I could be with for a long time. The thought of breaking up and then being just friends is difficult because it would bring up memories of those desires.

This is not to say that I have not remained friends with some lovers, but the level of communication has definitely backed down. This more casual level of friendship is livable, but it still brings up memories and regrets. Time does dull this however.

The second thing is “You’re so special…” Well, if I am so special then why are you breaking up with me? Don’t women want that special person? What I think is that I am special for someone else and that I am just not you’re cup of tea. Say that. Say that I think you could be special for someone else, but I am not feeling it and I think that we need to part. I can appreciate that honesty and it would go a long way to leaving us as friends. In fact, one good friend of mine said just that to me. She said that it was just not there and she was returning to a previous lover and we have remained friends ever since. Sure the breakup hurt, but the honesty was so freeing, it has lead to a good friendship.

“He does ‘this’ better…” where ‘this’ is whatever and something that you did well for them before. OK, why are you adding insult to injury. This is just about the most hurtful thing I can think of. Kick me in the balls, it would feel better than crushing my ego with something that was good for you in the past, but now I can’t hold a candle to someone else. Now this may be the case and true, but does it really need to be said? Damn I feel inadequate.

There are other things I hear, and I hear them even not in a breakup situation. When I hear them now I can’t help but think, “Well, this ain’t lasting long.” These lines are ringing very hollow lately and it is feeling like I may never fine what I truly want.

What do I want, you ask? Well, if I told you, you would not believe it. And if I did spill the beans I will never get it. So the search goes on and I will wait to hear those words once again. Hopefully there will be a day that I do not hear then ever again.

It has been a year of changes for me; changes in living arrangements, changes in lifestyle, and changes in relationships.

The living arrangements and lifestyle issues were easy for me to handle, time smoothed the road when the changes were needed and I adapted where I had to. But the changes in relationships has been the hardest.

I have previously said that I put my heart on my sleeve in relationship, but then I understood that change was needed or even wanted. I put on a chevalier face on it and moved along with life as though it was all expected. I wanted to be strong, but you know what, it hurt.

What caught me off guard a few days ago was how much it did hurt. When break ups of relationships happen, there are shards of emotions that remain. I found that a recent seeming break up exposed all those pains and others from the past. I was thrown into a depression for a day to work it all out.

When all was said in done, I found that I do care for people way more than maybe I should. When break ups occur (and they do) I am left to bury my feelings and move along as well. These feeling hurt terribly and to be honest I do not know what to do about them.

I know I should honor my own advice and keep putting myself out there even though these severed ties hurt greatly, but it is hard to justify now that I have had this realization.

My first reaction to all this was to sever all ties from all my new friends and relations. I wanted to bury myself away, not deal with it and start fresh. I wanted to do like every other person does and push it all away, denying that anything ever happened. Well, I can’t because it all did happen.

So, I sit here and lick my wounds and hope they heal right and continue what I was doing before, but maybe I take it slower.

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