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A mate,
Not just one date,
One not able to hate,
Enter my new life not too late,
To sate.





For me
Also for thee,
Us two make us a we,
Happy as one, a family,
To be.





Homage,
Turn a last page,
Never sleeping with rage,
Our lasting love bought by no wage,
We age.

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Here I am, writing a lot of stuff on topics that I may not be expert in, so how am I coming off. This entry is my reality check. Is this coming out as confident and knowledgeable, or is it just cocky and arrogant.
I was told recently that I lack confidence in myself. Really? Maybe I do in certain areas, but in other areas I think I may be too confident. Some of my fair-weather friends used to nick-name me ETSOAP (Ego The Size Of A Planet), and I often thought that was unfair. Sure, there were subjects that I would pontificate on, but they were subject that I knew and was sure about, I had every right to be confident, but that confidence came off as arrogance, and I stopped expounding on subjects I was sure about.

Now it seems that I may have gone the other way and seem to lack confidence. I tend to now couch subjects more tentatively and ask leading questions to the inquirer, so it seems like I may not know all that I do and lack confidence about making assumptions that I know are true.

Then there is the matter of me wanting good feedback. I mentioned that when I do something I like to do it well, call that the autodidact in me looking for re-enforcement. I often ask, “Was that good, did you like it?” and get answers like “What do you think?” which do not help, but I can assume it is a positive. But again, it makes me seem less self-assured than I may be.

With all this I know that I do not know it all. I am not the best there is, but that does not mean that I do not try to be. Let’s face a bit of reality here, there is always someone better than you, no matter who you are and even if you are the best, not everyone will agree. But this should not stop you from being the best you CAN be.

In subjects I am not versed in, I will ask questions, round out my knowledge. In activities that I want to excel, I will ask questions and look for positive feedback. Is this lack of confidence, maybe, but maybe it is just me looking to be better.

Well, I finally, after three months of work, got out of ANLV Cab Company and am now part of Virgin Valley Cab Company. Why is this good? Because, I will no longer work “extra” shifts and begin accumulating benefits. YEAH.

Also, Virgin Valley has some real benefits unlike all the other cab companies. First off, only top booking drivers are accepted into Virgin Valley (this means I make a lot of money for the company). Second, their cabs are all newer models and better maintained than the rest of the fleet. Nicer rides equal more tips. Third, there is no bidding system (I do not have to worry about seniority for better shifts and cabs), so if I do well I will get the better rides and shifts. Forth, if they do expand (and that may be in the near future) by getting in now I automatically start out in a higher seniority ladder than all the newcomers.

So, I am now a fish in a smaller pond (one of about fifty) and that means that I can sink or swim by my own actions as opposed to being lumped in with four hundred other drivers. It also means that I can rise to the top faster within the company and earn some bonuses easier and gain more recognition. (Yeah, I like the recognition, why bother to deny it.)

So what does this mean for the rest of my life? Well, I will be off Thursdays and Fridays (so look for blog entries then) but I will be working from 3am to 3pm. I know what you are thinking, those sound like shitty hours, but you know what, as I can see it they are actually very good.

The hours are good because I get the most out of the day without the major slow down and congestion of other shifts. The early morning is spent shuttling the late night clubbers around (generally good tippers). Then there is about an hour lull between clubbers and early flyers (good for some breakfast). The early flyers start at about 6am and go till about 11 am, and they tend to tip well also. From 11am to end of shift is the Vegas Shuttle around, people looking to see the city and such. Then I go home and miss the late afternoon slow down and traffic where there are twice as many cabs on the street as there should be. This lets me maximize my day. So, not so bad.

The down side, early evenings. No longer am I the night person I once was. However, since I will have the next day off after Thursday nights, I might get back into singing again (they, Barbershop Chapter I want to go to, meets Thursday nights.) It will take some getting used to. We will see if it is all worth the trouble.

I mentioned in my last post that my list of friends was in self-cleaning mode. I really think this is the case and you know what… it doesn’t bother me any more. It is just a phase of life, we gain friends, we loose friends, and our skein of interpersonal relationship change like dew on a web.

But I got to thinking… is there a way to hasten the cleansing along?

I remember a time when I was younger. I had a friend Howard, or at least I thought he was a friend, who I would call on the weekends and we would do things. Sounds like a normal friendship, right?

Well, one day I was thinking, and wouldn’t you know, I was the one doing all the calling and work in the “friendship”. I decided to wait and see how long it would take him to all back. I waited, a day… a week… a month… a year… A DECADE… and even to this day 22 years later, I am still waiting.

Needless to say, I did not wait a decade before writing off the friendship, and it was not as long as a year either. In fact, I figured that if three months passed and no call, that was a clear message. I did not get upset, I just accepted it and put the friendship on the permanent back burner. I always left a bit of room in my mind that if there were a really desperate situation and they could not call, that if they did someday, I could re-open the relationship, but maybe an explanation would be in order.

I am happy to say that today, there are no friends left in my list that I am waiting on. For the most part the ones that have not called have not done so in a very long time. The people I care about right now have all called and that is a good feeling.

There are times that when not everything you do, everything you say, sinks in with those around you. Worse yet is when your admission should be looked on as positive and is then rebuked. To top that off, you describe what you are doing in a frank way and it is rebuffed even though you KNOW the other person engaged in similar activity and should understand.

Maybe it is the double standard that is getting to me, it is ok for you to do something, but when I want to do it you regard it as a slight or something, and decide to toss away the investment in time we had, ending a friendship. So be it.

It must be the New Year and people that I thought were my friends and very special to me are now severing ties with me for various reasons. I hate loosing friends, but I hate loosing friends for what I see as trivial or petty reasons. The thing is, and I can only hope this is the case (or fear that it is the case), that I am not in on all the facts. In which case if I do not have all the facts, maybe it is something I have done (or haven’t) and I am alienating people without knowing it.

I guess you can call it my New Years Resolution, and that was I promised to be more open and honest with those around me (hence the last posts). Maybe people cannot handle the honesty. Maybe they are leaving because they are hiding something. Maybe, maybe, maybe… who the hell knows anymore.

So, here it is, my list of friends is in the self-cleaning mode.

Or maybe it is the “25 cent” solution where you live, or even the “Anytime Minutes” solution. But what these solutions are is communication. Talk to someone, tell them what is going on. Better yet, get in their face and talk it out.

In this day and age of instant communication and ubiquitous cell phones, is there any reason not to communicate with that special someone. Of course it requires the receiver not to hang up, but at least you can try. And trying is worth more than the cost of the call after all.

Talk, scream, yell, curse, converse, dialog, monologue, exchange cutting remarks, plead, beg, praise, extol, aver, rant, rave, listen, hear, understand, know, acknowledge, reply, dissent, agree, disagree, say, imply. COMMUNICATE.