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With week one under my belt without a smoke, I feel as though I am going to burst. I want a cigarette so bad I can taste it.

Now I know that it is all psychological and there is no physical need for the nicotine, but damn, my head is working overtime. I am past the shakes and withdrawal of the nicotine (thank god) and my body is slowly restoring and cleansing, but the head keeps insisting on wanting a smoke. At least I know it is my head telling me I want a smoke, but that does not stop the craving at the time. I just have to work through the craving until it passes.

So, I have turned to sugar-free chewing gum. I am not sure this is a real good idea. Simply put, after chewing gum all day I can’t seem to eat other food normally, my jaw is all screwed up. Weird, I know, so I think I am going to have to find another way of satisfying my oral fixation.

Then there are my hands. I seem to be playing with a pen a hell of a lot more to keep my hands busy. This can get annoying too, I find I tap the pen against anything at hand and it gets me on end and nervous. At least it does not impede any other facets of my day-to-day life, so I can live with it.

There is one other side effect I am not too happy with however, and that is a physiological effect nicotine has on the body. Nicotine raises blood pressure. That being said, time in the sack has not been “up to par” lately. Now this is disturbing. I got the desire, I got the situations, but Big Jim and the Twins are just not rising to the occasion. I guess it is time to break out the “Blue Pill of Mens Health” and see if that helps the situation. I have used Viagra before, I know it works for me, so maybe I break it out and see how it goes. I hate having to rely on it, but if it helps…

Other things are returning and leaving me. Returning is my sense of smell. Now I had a very sensitive sense of smell before, even smoking, but now everything is so much stronger. I am not sure I want this heightened sense smell, it is so strong. Guess I will get used to it.

Leaving is shortness of breath. This was what alarmed me in the first place that there was a problem with the smoking, I was experiencing shortness of breath and that scared me. So now, while I still have a bout of short breath, it is becoming rarer, and that is good. Also, I seem to have a little more energy lately, probably because my sleep is a bit better and more oxygen is flowing through the veins.

But perhaps the weirdest thing is my mouth. When I smoked I never had a problem with keeping my mouth moist and such, but now, it is as if my mouth is raw and stinky. I can’t explain this one, maybe it is just me and a form of reverse self-psychology to get me to smoke again.

Anyway, the fight goes on, and hopefully I will get past all these cravings.

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There we are, the covers pulled over us, the motions are happening, and all of the sudden you let out a snort the likes of which would startle a tortoise. I jump up sending blankets, pillows and comforters everywhere because I think we have been invaded by a herd of hungry moose; I look around, but all I find is you. You look up at me and in the filtered moonlight, I see a shy smile that admits you were the one to have created the noise. Now, where did that come from?

It’s those noises that we all make that may be the hardest things to get used to when you are getting close to another person. And we all do it. We all make some kind of noises either during sex or just sleeping or maybe in the shower or doing something. We make noises and we have to get used to the sounds the other around us makes.

Some of these noises are sweet, you know soft snores, gentle purrs of satisfactions. Other noises are shocking, like guttural bark made at the height of passion, high pitched screams as an orgasm takes over your body. Still others are unexpected, like the snort of laughter through a nostril.

But we all have them, these noises. Some we can live with, others have to be dealt with. I remember a time when a lover snored so loud that I could not sleep. Now you have to know me, but I can sleep through a hurricane if I am really out of it. Still, she was so loud that she impeded my slumber. After a while of rolling over and repositioning of pillows, we got to a point where it was acceptable, but earplugs were still called for.

But it can sometimes be shocking when you hear a noise for the first time. Isn’t amazing the range of noises that we can all make?

Or at least I hope so.

It is a dirty habit, it is not healthy and it stinks. I know all this but for years I was a smoker anyway. Why? Because I liked it. How could anyone like smoking? Well, it made me feel acceptable somehow. Maybe it was because of the defiance factor, or maybe something else, I would smoke even though I knew it was not to my benefit to do so.

Of course there is that nasty nicotine habit too. Once you are hooked the nicotine will drive you back to smoking if you are not careful. But here is the caveat folks, according to the American Cancer Society, if you are smoke and nicotine free for 3 days, the nicotine is out of your system and the cravings are purely psychological.

Now for me, if I know the craving is purely in my mind I can ignore it. I have to think about it, but I can ignore it. Once the craving for the smoke has passed I am then ok until some other stimulus comes along and tells me I want a smoke and once again I deal with the 3 to 5 minute cravings and continue living.

Making conscious decisions to not smoke when the urge hits then reduces the likelihood that the same stimulus will work it’s way to your conscious mind for the need of a cigarette. Lick that and keep doing it and you will be smoke free.

I am hardy one to talk though. My smoking history is thus… started smoking at age 19 and smoked through 36. Stopped for 3 years until I was broadsided in my car, my marriage collapsed, and started smoking again as the stress level ramped up. Let’s face it, nicotine is a stress relief, and I needed it and so started smoking. Finally, today is day one of quitting smoking again.

So what can I expect? Well the shakes for the next few days, craving that hit strong, coughing up a lung or two, hypersensitivity to smoke and a hard time sleeping until the nicotine is truly out of my system. Then I can count on months of my mind playing tricks on me and urging a cigarette into my hands.

Do, what method am I using? Call it a modified cold turkey method. The last few days I tapered down the smoking and today I stopped. No patch, no gum (other than regular Dentine to give my mouth something to do when cravings kick in), no lasers or even electro-shock, just a firm and committed mind set to end smoking. Worked for me before (for three years) so there is no reason to thank I can not do it again.

So, away with the Camels, and save about $100 a month in smokes.