It seems I have a little bottle of 30 days supply of everything in the pharmacy. For someone that had only Tylenol and Motrin in the cabinet, I can now seemingly go into business for myself. Come on over, see all the flavors… something for everyone. Let’s have a party! Right, I think not.

I did my due diligence when I started taking these meds. I read all the instructions carefully and took note of the warnings. I was fully aware of the side effects when I started dosing. But being aware and having the reactions are two different things.

For one, I am tired all the time. I wake up in the morning and want nothing more than to go back to sleep. I get up anyway; partake in morning ablutions and go to work. Invariably I will get the following reactions: A few hours later I will get horny, this is from the Androgel. Next I will want to vomit all morning long; this is from the Wellbutrin and smoking, but I smoke anyway. A few hours later it comes around and I just get tired, this could be from anything. In any case by the time I get home all I want is a shower, a lot of food, and then to go to sleep. At night I am just tired and as I fall asleep I start sweating like a pig. I toss and turn all night long in the sweat getting up to piss every few hours. Now I know the urinating routine, which is from the diabetes, but here is the rub, my BGL (Blood Glucose Level) is steady and falling into a normal range again. I should not have to urinate all the time. I know my need for water intake has waned, and that too was a reaction to a high BGL. Lastly, my feet get as cold as death and all the blankets in the world don’t seem to help sometimes.

Did you notice something missing there? Yeah, one of my mainstays of life is missing… when do I have time for sex? Truth be know I have no interest in it right now unless someone puts the interest into me. Another side effect and one I hate. So when I want it, that is when I go over to the medicine cabinet and get yet another flavored pill out. This one is a little blue pill that should taste like berries, but I just down it. Give that about an hour to work, some self motivation, a bit of reciprocal interest and I am good to go. To bad I need more meds just to do it… believe me this is not my choice.

The last of the side effects, a lack of motivation to do much of anything. This is insidious. I know there are things I have to do, but for whatever reason I find ways to put them off. I find excuses not to do things. I look to just lie down on the bed and ignore the world. This is possibly the worst of it. Lack of motivation makes the days blend together. It makes you not give a damn about anything or anyone. It makes you an incomplete person.

The thing is, before I went on the meds I was giving myself reasons to do things. I was going out and taking pictures, spending time with people, working on writing and blogging. I was doing things that made a life more rounded and now I have slipped back into a pattern of endless and indistinguishable days. Welcome to what is possible the worst of all living hells.

I tell myself that I just need to try harder and do more and then I just ignore it. I then search out the place under my blankets that seems to be the only solitude remaining. The weirdest thing though is that I am not depressed. I know what depression feels like and this is not it. In fact the Wellbutrin is meant to stop the clinical depression I was feeling and to its’ merit it seems to be doing just that. So maybe it is a psychological depression after all. I can’t take that excuse either because things (mentally) were good before I started the new regimen.

I know that I have come under a lot of stress lately, maybe that has something to do with it. Maybe I am using stress as just another excuse. Maybe I am just lazy at heart and this is my true strip revealed at last. Maybe, maybe, maybe… more excuses.

So, that is the haze of my daze of late. Maybe all I need is more time to get used to the meds. One more excuse…

Where have I been? What have I been doing? What is new with me? Am I still alive? How are the boys? How’s the love-life? How’s the family? How’s the job? Seen any good movies lately? Take in any good shows? Dine anywhere I would want to go? Take any cool photos recently? Read any good books? Ya dead man?

I know I have not been around lately but there is a very good reason for that. For the last few months I have taken the time on my days off to be with a special someone. For whatever reason I felt that being with her was more important than writing. I took the time with full intent to return to the blogging when the two would not conflict.  Now that her schedule is back in session and I am off when she is at work, I can, once again, enlighten the world to my skewed point of view.

As to the list of questions above, here is the quick response:

I’ve been in Las Vegas doing not doing much of anything. New is the list of pills I have to ingest on a daily basis. Well, yes I am… otherwise why would I be taking all those pills? The boys are fine and growing up fast. Excellent, when it is happening. Don’t know, seems the rest of my extended family has forgotten about me. Boring but paying for living. Yeah, I would recommend “The Night Listener” for a good flick with an excellent cast and good performances. The last performance I saw was Phantom of the Opera, the Las Vegas Spectacular and it was excellent, especially if you have not seen a Broadway performance of POTO. Same night as the POTO I ate at Pinot Brassiere and was very happy so I can highly recommend Pinot. Man it has been hot here, so no I have not gotten out since that last long trip in June. Yeah, pick up a copy of “Confessions of a Street Addict” by JJ Cramer, it’s wild. Ja man, ‘m dead…

Oh but there have been time that I have wanted t sit down and write. Some of the topics I wanted to cover are: The Jon Benet Ramsey case, Joe Lieberman, Iraq and Iran, Tipping in Las Vegas, Rude Cabbies, Cultural Disrespect for Property, Parental Responsibility (Is there such thing as too much?), Drug Side Effects, Have We Been Visited?, Horny at the Wrong Time, Getting It all Together, and more. In fact I have started some of these, but I was just not inclined to finish them immediately. Then something would come up and again I was put off from publishing.

For me I need some time to write. I require an environment that will not distract me from the writing with comforts and such. I need to be left alone for a while. I need time to compose my thoughts and usually that can be accomplished outside of the house in either a bar, restaurant, or coffee shop. If the shop has a place to plug in, great, if I can smoke, even better. Best of all worlds is a spot that has free WiFi so that I can get on the net to do research and find pictures if I need. Also, with a hot spot I can post faster and get the post out of the way and move on. Alas, the last good spot I found for my writing is now off limits to me.

Why I hear you cry? Because they fed me a burger with something hard in it and I broke a tooth. When I asked for their insurance information I then became persona non grata, even after they turned down my claim. Since I was not willing to search through my feces for the tooth fragment and the hard shard, I will have to pay for my tooth repair and loose a favored writing venue. Sometimes life sucks.

So here I am in yet another restaurant, having breakfast, writing and not finding a WiFi connection I can hump off, not to mention there are no power sockets for me to plug into conveniently and no smoking. Looks like the Frog will become a hang once again but they do not open until 11am and I like to work in the mornings. I will have to figure out a way of working, move and then continue. What a distraction.

It has been a while, looks like I’m back again.