There were eight of us at the time. Usually we just met in the evenings and hung out, doing whatever, but then came an idea, maybe we should pull off a practical joke or two. Thus started “Project Insomnia”, a group of night crawlers with nothing better to do than think up some mischief.

The grandest plan we never pulled off was “Operation Project Insomnia”. This was back in my college days of course when everyone was thinking big. It was also a time when the crop circles came back into favor as a rash of new circles showed up in England. So the public consciousness was already seeded with the ideas of aliens and UFO’s. So, what could my friends and I do to have a little fun with this?

So we started throwing ideas around, what would be a good practical joke. Well obviously it had to be big and public. It had to catch the public’s interest immediately and stir up all the wrong kind of attention. I threw out the idea of a UFO hoax and that got everyone’s attention.

With the idea in hand we had to come up with the steps to make it all work, it had to be believable or at the least not easily seen through. We came up with the following steps to implement to pull off the hoax.

First would have to be the UFO itself. Not only did we have to create a UFO for the public see, we wanted it to show up in radar. Next it had to be big, really big. Then there had to be lights and of course it had to move. What else could we do but a huge Mylar balloon. Tests with large pieces of Mylar proved we could create large “air tight” balloons without too much trouble. Then we rigged the lights, a couple of Christmas lights and a few AA batteries, and attached an RC unit to turn them on once in the air. Nylon fishing line was rigged to the balloon to control assent and the fast decent. The test looked great, I wish I had the photo’s to post here, hell, even in daylight it could have fooled people.

Next, the landing site: research showed a classic landing site was composed of “Burn” marks and other “impressions” (supposedly of landing struts). Then there was the real kicker, a radiological signature. To solve the first problem we were going to rent heated air blowers from U-haul. If it did not burn but really dried out a “spot” then it would be good enough for the hoax. (Of course we planned three burns.) Of course the other “imprints” are simple, it was the radiological element that would be the kicker.

Did you know that most smoke detectors have an ionization chamber and a small disk of radioactive material? Well they do, about .5 grams of Americium 241 embedded in a gold matrix. Hit up your Geiger Counter and point it at yours… hear that extra clicking, yeah, radiation. It is small and mostly concealed in the Ionization chamber, but it is there. The question, could we handle it safely? Well turns out that these disks emit about 1 micro curie, or 1/100 of a millirem of radiation. Nothing dangerous, in fact your microwave is more dangerous. But that does not mean that it is not detectable. Excited Alpha particles and the occasional beta particle can play buggers with detectors!

Third was the “emergency” transmission as the UFO was coming in for a crash landing. So, how do we pull that one off? Oh, so simple. First we would come up with a code, but instead of using binary, we would base the code on tertiary language. 0 was represented as a lower sideband pulse, 1 was neutral modulation pulse, and 2 was an upper sideband pulse.  We created a faked up language, but left the numeric equivalents of the language as very simple tertiary symbols. Re-allocated “earth coordinated to equate 0 longitude to the middle of the Pacific Ocean, not Greenwich, the idea being the center of Pacific would allow for a cleaner map and no land masses would be intersected. Think about it, a well ordered way to map a planet. Latitudes and longitudes were divided up into base 9 units, where each degree was about 1.2 new degrees (the math is a pain here). We actually worked up the code… it was cool. We then programmed it into an IBM for recording. Wow. Sounded cool and was recognizable as a digital transmission on the AM bands.

Do you know what you get with a 10 watt AM transmitter and the US rail system? You get a transmission that is heard ALL over the country if not beyond. Guess what we were going to hook our transmitter to. Interestingly enough, this was the most illegal part of the hoax. Let’s say the FCC is not very forgiving.

There you have it… the essence of Operation Project Insomnia, the best gag me and my friends never pulled. We had it all worked out so that if the FBI or whoever were to follow all the leads they would have ended up in a small abandoned shack outside of Scottsdale Arizona with the key to the whole hoax and picture with “Project Insomnia” in our uniforms and faces all conveniently eliminated.

It had everything, public sightings, caught on radar, a mysterious transmission sliding around the middle bands, and physical evidence. We thought maybe to even let the cat out of the bag on Letterman or something. It was a fun thought.

Can you believe it, researchers in London (Sexsomnia Report) have come up with a disease where the sleeper demands and has sex all while asleep. OK, and the problem?

They say the people with this rare form of sleep disorder have a hard time talking about it and that it is hard on relationships. Wait a second, hard on relationships? Don’t women complain they do not have enough sex as it is, now when they get it, it’s not good enough? Wow, talk about a double standard.

They say there is no cure for this “disorder”. Well, the question would have to be do we really want a cure for it? So women, will you really complain if you man is servicing you more often? Men, are you really not up to giving your woman that extra hard on even though she may be demanding sex while asleep? Seems to me it would be a relationship strengthener. Someone won’t be complaining about the frequency of sex.

So, if you want to know more about this truly debilitating disorder that is on par with sleepwalking, take a look here www.sleepsex.org and have fun.

For the last week or so I have been having a lot of fun participating in Yahoo Answers. What it is, is a place to ask a question and the community Answers the questions. Some of the questions people ask are good, a lot of them are dumb (I call those “Duh” questions), and some are just off the wall. It is interesting seeing what people do not know.

That being said, one of the recent questions asked was “What is skinny dipping?” You know I had to answer that one, and just with “Swimming in the nude.” Here is the response I came up with and understand that Yahoo censors the Answers for vulgarity:

Skinny Dipping is an ancient and liberating traditional pastime. What it is precisely is that a person approaching an open body of water will remove all garments before entering the liquid. The body of water can be a lake, river, ocean, pool, Jacuzzi, bath tub, etc… just as long as it is water. I have even heard that is can be a bowl of water, but what fun can that be? (Well, come to think about it, a lot of fun if there are two people participating.)

Now traditionally the participants will want to do a traditional approach. The traditional approach is one where you are stripped of all clothing and run up to the water with all your parts bouncing in the air, flapping about, for all to see.

Now this particular tradition is much better when shared. Many will say there is liberation in a group of people all the same gender skinny dipping, that it build fraternal bonds. I would agree with that.

Then there is the mixed skinny dipping ritual (usually performed by teens) in which the whole thing can become a learning experience. In this case pairs of teens tend to meet in the liquid and explore anatomical differences. This could of course lead to many other activities, such as hugging, kissing, mating, and of course marriage when mating is successful. Some times it can lead to larger group activities, but those are too numerous to mention here.

Skinny dipping is not limited to teens. Skinny dipping is common activity of very young children and those who are divorced looking to share activities like the teens. It has even been part of senior activity, but the benefit at that point is lost on me.

Now it was suggested that fat people could not skinny dip. Well, that was completely missing the point. In fact the very name skinny dipping comes from the idea that fat people can become skinny by performing this activity enough. Thus fat people are the reason we call it skinny dipping in the first place.

So, if you have the opportunity to partake in skinny dipping, that wonderful naked bathing and frolicking, I recommend that you grab the opportunity, along with your friend’s anatomical parts. It is so much fun!

Anyone who knows me probably knows that I am an Electric Light Orchestra fan. I have been for years. Specifically because Jeff Lynne’s style and creativity have fascinated me from the get go. However, all this was based on their album “Ole ELO”, a compilation from their first four albums. Didn’t matter, I loved it.

Over the years I have collected every one of the album Jeff Lynne’s (performance wise, if I were to get his production credits too, well, it would be a very large collection indeed) been involved with. I got every ELO album as it came out, eventually re-buying them on CD, then the Traveling Wilburys Volume One and Three, and the rare “Armchair Theatre”, a Jeff Lynne solo album, possibly the best work he has ever done. But two albums always eluded me simply because they were imports. Those two were ELO’s first and second album, “No Answer” and “ELO2” (Not to be confused with ELO II, a breakaway album by the guys in ELO without Jeff Lynne. Needless to say that album is not worth the plastic it is recorded on.)

Well, over the years No Answer was released in the US but when I looked at the catalog I noticed there were tracks missing and the jacket said a lot of “Clean Up” work had been done on it. No where had it mentioned that Jeff Lynne was involved, I just assumed they had dumped the best tracks on CD and went to market with it. I was right.

Turns out the ELO’s early work is not legally in the Jet (Atlantic) catalog, but through some rangling Jet had managed to get second rate copies of the songs and put it back together. This is not what I wanted. I wanted the recording as done by ELO (and half of The Move) on Harvest (EMI). What luck, turns out Jeff Lynne did work on remasters of these CDs and low and behold the whole catalog list was there, AND BONUS TRACKS! I ordered the imports. I was rewarded.

ELO’s first album, No Answer is a tour de force of creativity. From the opening “10538 Overture” to one of my favorites “Mr. Radio”, the band takes you on a trip through the mind of Jeff Lynne and Roy Wood, exploring avenues of fusion rock/classical that blow your mind. From these tracks you can hear where ELO did end up, it is all there like messages long delayed, welcome when they finally did arrive.

For those not open minded, you may want to pass on this album, it challenges you to accept what Jeff and Roy are doing. The more incredible part about these albums is that all these songs are “One Takes”, only 8 tracks and minimal mixing at all. In the liner notes Jeff Lynne admits to not being a very good producer at the time, so the tracks were all recorded synced and then balanced as a master. Wow… incredible.

The idea for ELO is that a rock band can use a few more instruments than just a few guitars, drums and a keyboard. Roy Wood, a master of every instrument he touched would provide “Orchestra” in ELO, Jeff Lynne provided the inspiration.

The second album was more experimental than the first. And would keep getting more experimental as Roy Wood left the band after a could of tracks were laid down. Jeff Lynne faced with the lost of the other key member (who went to form Wizard) carried on as best he could, producing an admittedly experimental and challenging album.

In the final form, ELO 2 had all of five tracks, but one of them was “Roll Over Beethoven”, and aside from Chuck Berry’s version is my al time favorite cover of the song. Along with that is “In Old England Town (Boogie No. 2)” worth the listen and “Kuima” also challenging and offers hints of where ELO will go in the future. The import also comes with eight bonus tracks, all worth the time. You really get a feel for the creative process on this album.

Well, now I am happier, I finally got to hear things and experience ELO as it started out as. No wonder the critics were impressed, there was a lot to be impressed by.

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The meds are doing their job, I am not as depressed as I usually get then I am not working. Thank you Wellbutrin.

When I told my doctor about feeling depressed and knowing when the depression was coming on, feeling the chemicals soak my brain, he put me on Wellbutrin. It was a two birds with one stone thing… it should take care of the depression bouts and encourage me to stop smoking as well (which it certainly has.) And now after taking it for a few months I am able to handle my current situation better than I would have, the depression I am feeling is considerably less than in past times.

Is this an improvement? I guess you could say yes it is, but there was something to that wallowing in self-pity that made the days go by faster.

So now it is time for that job hunt thing… this I really hate.

Here is another realization I came to this week… I can’t drive a cab anymore.

Oh, I mean I could, but just that I won’t. I quit my job on Monday having come to the conclusion that this is just not for me. Why? Because the car demons are out to get me.

In the year I have driven a cab I have been hit three times by careless drivers. I have been given citations, and generally screwed up my driving record for the next few years. But it was the accidents (none my fault mind you) that got my attention. I have been lucky I guess, all the collisions were minor and no one really hurt, well, no one but me. Each accident has played havoc with my back and knees and I just cannot take it any more. To be honest I am scared when the next one happens and it is not so minor, what do I do then?

So, me being the conceited person I am, I figure I will not risk additional damage to my oh so perfect physique. I would rather hang it up than risk being killed in a major accident.

While driving I did not know anyone who did not have at least one accident and tickets, this does not bode well and maybe I should have looked into this before I began driving. Well, at least it is something I can remedy.

Anyone need a PERL programmer / HTML Guru / CSS guru / Javascript expert? Have computer, will travel.

Well, once again my body is forbidding me to have something that I want. My body, the traitor, is telling me I have to get rid of the boys.

It’s the old allergies. I used to be allergic to dogs when I was a kid, but it was never a problem. In fact I have had several dogs in my life and have never had this problem.  But now, when I get around the dogs sleep areas and such I find that I can’t breath and get dizzy. My throat closes and I feel like I have to vomit. In short I cannot live like this.

The only answer is to give up Bogart and Orson. Now I know I have only had them for a few months, but they sure feel like part of the family already, and how do you give up family members. But the truth is they are just pets, and my health has to come before pets.

It is one more realization recently that I have to adjust to.

There are times that make me happy, and I may not have had a thing to do with it. In this case a cyber-friend of mine has turned herself and her life around and made a new beginning for herself. She has made me proud to call her someone I know.

When I met D she was not in a good space and from what I know not with the best of people. She may not have been in the healthiest lifestyle and in some respect a self destructive path. Things happened to help her realize she needed a change and to her immense credit she slowly turned things around.

She is now living better, has her daughters with her, a new home, a new job, and from a simple call, she sounds so much better and revitalized. I am so happy for her words cannot express. I like to think that a few of our conversations about a year ago helped, but the credit is all hers.

One day I will meet her, and I do not know what would happen, but it should be a happy time. She is a better person today than a year ago, and it makes me want to know her so much more now.

D, you go and grab all life has to offer, you deserve it.

I hate it when I’m right. Maybe this was a legit bale out, or maybe it was just the ways of a player, but when you set up a play date, get everything ready, and then expect to have a fun play date and it doesn’t happen you kinda wonder about the people you may be dealing with.

Personally I do not understand people who go through all the trouble of arranging such dates and then back out. For me, if I make the date I fully intend to meet up, have a great time as planned and feel great about it afterwards. Could this just be a case of cold feet? I don’t know and I am not a mind reader.

Is this a thing for other people too? Make a date, back out and hope everything is cool after and set up another date? Does anyone really expect to get a second date after being blown off on the first? This is game playing and I really do not go for it.

So, when you set up dates, keep them. I know I for one will not be making second dates nor pursuing those who back out on first dates.