Have you ever had one of those “what the hell are they thinking” moments? Well, I had one a few minutes ago when I read about the “10 Commandments for Drivers” released by the Vatican. It was sort of appalling to think that with all the power and influence the Roman Catholic Church can bring to a problem, such as world peace maybe, it chose to bring from on high the commandments for drivers. What a waste. What a joke.

Then I thought maybe it was one of those internet jokes, you know, the ones you get in an email? But this was on MSNBC and then the Vatican website. This was a not a joke after all, they were serious and then it was “what the hell” all over again.

You know, if they released it as a communiqué for the priests and bishops I could understand it, good sermon fodder, but to say they are commandments is a bit much and more than a little ridiculous. If this is the direction the Vatican is taking, narrow views of the world at large, there may need to be an early change of leadership. Do you think that PJP II would ever have let something like this be released? Not a chance. He would have known how these “commandments” would have played out. After all, Pope John Paul II was a savvy leader with an eye on the realistic.

Ok, but what about these commandments themselves, you ask. Are they really that bad? Could we actually learn something? Well, let’s take a look and see:

1. You shall not kill.

Wait a second… haven’t I heard this one before? Sure, that’s the sixth commandment, or the fifth commandment if you are Catholic or Lutheran or some such. In any case I call it a foul; you can’t repeat commandments, that just makes everything confusing. How would you like to be in a debate about the commandments and have it devolve into an argument about is “Thou shalt not murder” the same thing as “You shall not kill” in the drivers ten commandments. Absurd and let’s say this does not belong here. How about “You should keep two hands on the steering wheel at all times, and check for tire wear once a month.” That may not be a commandment, but it is a pretty good suggestion.

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.

Now this may not be a commandment, but certainly could be a suggestion I can get into, literally. Think about it, a cot, a road and two people communing on it for the world to see. Now for convenience sake, you could you your car for such a communion and that would be ok too. And of course there is no mortal harm in such a communion so that is redundant. The only problem I see is that if you are catholic you can’t use contraceptives so I hope the church will help raise all the children that arrive because of the churches suggestion of communion between people.

(BTW, the Vatican just approved of gay sex. Maybe this is a more open minded document then first thought.)

3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

Is this a commandment? Where is the fire? Where is the certainty of hell? Where is old world ferver? Nah. Seem more like a mild suggestion.

4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.

I thought charity was a tenet of the RCC. Why are we repeating something we should already know? I know that when speaking you tell the people what you are going to tell them, then you tell them and finally you tell them what you told them, but that is for speaking. Again, should we be repeating ourselves? Maybe they (the RCC) think we didn’t get it the first time. Yeah that has to be it.

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

Now that is more like it; power, domination, and sin are finally evoked making this the strongest of all the suggestions! But really guys, why do you have to ruin all the fun? I want to get in my car, get a super-sized chocolate shake, drive at about 95 mph to Las Vegas where I can pick up a pro from the curb for $50 bucks and take her into a casino where we will imbibe alcohol, eat rich food, smoke fat cigars, pull a few handles, roll a few dice, play a few hands, then go upstairs and fornicate and afterwards drive back home and maim a few people while yelling at them it was all their fault. Oh well, guess I will have to burn in hell anyway.

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.

Huh? I thought we did the charity thing already. Wait a second… you mean take the keys away from those that are too drunk to know better… I get it. Did you get that one from your local bar tender or did you happen to see one of the thousands of commercials that say the same thing… especially those from the breweries and distilleries. I see the connection, they (the breweries et. al.) don’t want you to die because then you will drink more and the church doesn’t want to you die so you will tithe more. Got it.

7. Support the families of accident victims.

I think we have done the charity thing to death by now… we get it.

8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

If they are guilty why not bring them together with the police and we can get that liberating feeling as we see then sentenced to life in prison. They will say they are sorry and ask for forgiveness at sentencing and you will forgive them as they are lowered into the ground after they complete their life sentence. All very healthy.

9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.

I think I need cliff-notes for this one… is this a call for martyrdom? So I should risk my life for someone less protected? I don’t get it. I guess everyone loves a martyr, well, everyone but my family and friends.

10. Feel responsible toward others.

This smacks of the charity thing again… Let’s not go there. But how about this… be responsible for yourself first. Be a safe driver and a good example on the road. Then you will help others to be good drivers too. But then again, this is just a suggestion since breaking none of these suggestions is a sin, really, what’s the point?

The point? Well, the world is getting a good laugh from it all and it is excellent blogging material. So, as Jay Leno prepares his monologue for tonight you can damn well bet there will be at least a couple jokes about this. So, I guess you could say the point is world wide laughter at the RCC’s expense.