“Hey Karl, I here you’re going dove hunting?”
“I sure am Dick, want to come awong?”
“Sure, let me get my shotgun…”

So it was that Karl Rove and Dick Cheney opened dove season in Washington D.C. and set about stalking the “Wild Dem” doves on Capitol Hill…

“Shh, be wary quiet, were huntin’ Dems” said Karl. “Oh but wouldn’t be gwait to bag the biggest dove of all… Owh Gore!”

“I hear he lives under the steps of Capitol Hill. Let’s sneak over there…” suggested Dick.

“OK” said Karl. “Hmm maybe he is behind that tree over there?”

“No, he couldn’t get any support from those branches on the hill.”

“How about behind that big rock over there?”

“I don’t think so, otherwise he’d be hugging it.”

“Well, there is that bush. Could he be behind the bush?”

Karl and Dick look at each other and say, “Nah, he’d never be behind a Bush. Ah ha ha ha ha!”

“Maybe we should go inside for the doves?”

“Good idea Dick… Get weady to open fiwa…”

And as they rounded the door they were greeted by a scene of doves and hawks and set about shooting at just about anything that moved. When the smoke cleared and Karl and Dick went about to see what they had bagged, they found they hit nothing at all.

“Damn…. I forgot the one comedy rule that must apply here…”

“Watt’s that Dick?”

“You can only shoot your friends in the face.”

Ah-beh-ah-beh-ah-beh… That’s all folks!

Ever have one of those dreams and it is vivid and complete? I did. In fact some of the best ideas I have for games and writing seem to come in the form of a dream. This one was clear and left me with a firm plot line that I could clearly recall and now all I have to do is write it.

The cool thing about this story is that it is not about me. Usually there is a level of personal reveal in my stories. This is certainly true about Truth Incorporated and very true about Levis’ New Genes. In those I am working out personal issues that have haunted me for a very long time. And while this may make for some good story telling, it is a bitch to write because I understand exactly what it is I am exposing about myself, though the revelations may not be obvious to the reader on first blush.

In this one I can see no relevant personal exploration, with the exception of a yearning for solitude and peaceful existence, and that has left in my mind a colorful and intricate story to build and explore. For the first time in a long time a story has come along for no other reason than to be told and illustrated.

In that respect I give you the first paragraph of the new story, and I guarantee you that it will not give away the overall plot.

Kara dragged the stuffed animal by the foot across the yard and past the pool towards her fathers work retreat. “Kara, why are you doing this” asked the Teddy Bear plaintively? As she got to her mothers Syntho-Gro® flower garden she paid no heed to the freshly blooming flowers and walked right over them. “Really Kara, this is most undignified, couldn’t you at least carry me” plead the HyperReal© pet? There were still puddles from the night’s rain on the concrete and she stomped through those dragging the hapless toy through the dirty water. “Now you’ve gone and done it, my butt’s all wet and dirty, you’ll have to run me through the InstaTidy™” complained the bear whose attitude was wearing thin from being treated in such an awful manner. The door to her fathers’ office slid open and she tromped in leaving muddy footprints in her wake. With a mighty sigh and pout that only six year old girls can accomplish, she flung Teddy to the ground at her feet and proclaimed, “I - need - a - new - Teddy - this - one - isn’t - smart - enough - Megan - said - so!” For her final act in this little drama Kara kicked the stunned bear half way across the room and stormed from the office.

For me this paragraph is rather unusual. I like to start a story is a simple statement or two and succinct subject and get by it. Here, for whatever reason, I felt like I had to play out the whole scene (story) in one breath, one set of flashes and actions without a beat or a pause. I have a feeling that some English professor somewhere will try to correct me, but you know what is nice about being the author of a story? You get to make the final rules on how your story is interpreted.

One of the things I learned from writing Truth Inc and Levis’ New Genes was that where you break a paragraph is almost as important as the idea and tempo you are trying to convey. In the above paragraph I am hoping that you feel all the smugness of a six year old girl having a tantrum. I think it worked.

There is certainly a lot more to come and I am certainly looking forward to telling this story. What will Kara do next?

While I was scanning the web I found a page in Wired Magazine that listed a bunch of “Very Short Stories”. Basically there are one line stories under about 10 words that tell a story. Ernest Hemingway wrote one (and here it is, complete), “For sale: baby shoes, never worn” and called it his best work. I like it ,so thought I would give it a try myself. Here are my top 10:

10: No more Captain Crunch, game over.

9: With the truth revealed, God started again.

8: Can’t drink, can’t smoke, can’t fuck; I must be cybernetic.

7: Osama’s a Jew? Reboot.

6: Not all French are rude; reality check.

5: Money is not everything. The universe ended.

4: She wasn’t a virgin, duh.

3: Out of donuts; anarchy ensued.

2: Open for business, closed to ethics.

And my number one Very Short Story:

Three, two, one … shit.

Got a one-liner? Leave it in comments.