A watched bagel never toasts.

Of course you have to take it out of the baggy first.

A watched bagel never toasts.

Oh yeah, you have to cut it in half, but only when you take it out of the baggy first.

A watched bagel never toasts.

It does no good to just leave the cut bagel you took out of the baggy on the counter so you put the bagel you cut in half into the toaster.

A watched bagel never toasts.

Hmm, the bagel you took out of the baggy and cut on the counter and finally put into the toaster is still not toasted, you got to put the thingy down, yeah.

A watched bagel never toasts.

The thingy is down! It’s been down for a half an hour and still the bagel you removed from the baggy and cut with the bread knife and left on the counter a while and then put into the toaster and put the thingy down is not toasted… Oh, the browning level is set at zero, so how about turning it up to setting 7 that should do it. On second thought, maybe level 5 would be good so it doesn’t burn, so I give it a twist and push down the thingy; can’t forget to push down the thingy.

A watched bagel never toasts.

It’s been 45 minutes and the bagel you took out of the baggy and cut with the bread knife and left on the counted a bit then put into the toaster and then put the thingy down only to see that the browning level was set to 0 so you set it to 5 and then put the thingy down again is still not toasted to you look for the power cord among the 7 other power cords and find out that the toaster is not plugged in after all. You plug in the toaster and push the thingy down.

A watched bagel never toasts.

Maybe the toaster is just real slow because after an hour you are beginning to wonder if setting 5 was just not enough and you should have gone with your gut instinct of setting number 7 having solved the problem of the unplugged cord and the fact that you have to put the thingy down after you remove the bagel from the baggy and cut it with a bread knife and leave it on the counter and finally put it into the toaster.  Naw, the setting is right and now the unplugged cord is double checked so finally you go over to the breaker box and see that the kitchen electrical breaker is in the off position. You look around for Lucy van Pelt and put the breaker back into the on position and walk back over to the toaster looking for unkicked footballs on the way and when you get there you are sure to put the thingy down.

A watched bagel never toasts.

You started your journey at 8 a.m. and now it is past noon and you realize that you normally don’t eat a bagel for lunch but feel you can make an exception today so you keep waiting for the bagel to toast because you turned on the breaker and there were no footballs to trip over and then plugged in the toaster and put in the bagel that you took from the baggy and cut with the serrated bread knife and left on your lovely granite counter top for a while before you realized you needed to put it into the toaster and finally put the thingy down when you look at the electric bill stuck to the refrigerator with a refrigerator magnet from the World’s Largest Lint Ball Museum from some odd little town in the Midwest you stopped in because you had to have a Snickers Bar because you had been driving all day and really just needed to stretch your legs but needed an excuse for your wife because she just wanted to get to Missoula before it got dark and it shows a shutoff date for last week.

A watched bagel never toasts.

After you stop crying because you realize for the first time in your life that life is truly unfair you pick up your cell phone and try calling the electric company but there is no signal so it does not look like you are going to be able to get your electricity back on any time soon and out of the corner of your eye you notice the calendar on the pantry door and today is December 21, 2012 and the world has come to an end as your house is swallowed up by a fissure created by the 40 mile diameter meteorite that streaked deafeningly across the sky a few moments ago as you tried vainly to put the thingy down on your ever so wonderful G.E.  10 browning level Deluxe Toastron-o-matic in the hopes that whatever little electricity is left in the wires is enough to toast the bagel you took out from the plastic Glad Ziploc Baggy and cut with your Hinkle 5 star Gourmet Serrated Bread Knife and suddenly you are at the end of the tunnel you heard about all your life and Saint Peter waves a hand at you as you pass the Pearly Gates and you stand before the Almighty God in Heaven and ask if you can get your bagel toasted and he says…

A watched bagel never toasts.

I hate to burst anyone bubble but the idea of American Exceptionalism left us in the early ‘80’s and has not returned. I figured it left us in 1984, that’s the year my High School fenced in the students who formerly enjoyed an open campus. A fence you say, is that all you got? No, but it may have been the most shocking sign of the times for me. I’m fortunate, I graduated from that school the year before but the shock of seeing that fence pounded home that changes were afoot.

It could be argued that the height of American Exceptionalism was the generation that Tom Brokaw called “The Greatest Generation” in his 1998 book by the same name. This generation that fought World War Two was not aware per se of American Exceptionalism except where it meant riches in natural resources, liberty, egalitarianism, individualism, and populism. Indeed, Alexis de Tocqueville commented on “An exceptional America” a century before. The term “American Exceptionalism” actually was first used by members of the American Communist Party in the 1920’s (yes you read that right, the Communist Party). It makes sense in a way, this is post World War One and the country was working together to build a modern industrial base, the proletariat working together, a communistic ideal. After WWII this growth ramped up beyond all measure and by the time a new generation had come to the fore in the late 1960’s Americans could rightly sit back a bit on their well-earned laurels and extol the virtues of American Exceptionalism, but by that time the term “American Exceptionalism” had become synonymous with “American Superiority” and things changed.

Another President has stood in front of Congress and proclaimed “the state of the union is strong” but this is just so much more rhetoric for the masses that has become meaningless. We are not the exceptional Americans we once were and when we brag such the world laughs at us because they know we fail in many crucial areas. They know our education system is a mess, our values are self-centered, our health institutions are more interested in profits than people, our financial system is set up to spilt the country into the haves and have not’s, and politically we are so stymied that we can make no progress. Those simple examples and many more do not point to an exception America.

It is not possible to point to all the problems that must be solved for the United States to once again lead the world in the things that really matter, but maybe I can illustrate a few. Corporations need to be concerned more with people than profits. Yes, the point of a corporation is to make profits but when profits displace concern for their own employees they are doing a disservice to everyone. Likewise a corporation needs to be a good citizen of the country and ask what will help the country as well knowing that in the long run helping the country helps them. Families need to pay more attention to the values, morals, and responsibility than they are currently doing. It does not matter the values you use as long as they are responsible. It is just as responsible to bring up children with strong Christian values as it is to bring then up with strong Jewish values, or Muslim, or Hindu or even strong civic values an Atheist may instill. These values all teach self-respect and instill a sense of responsibility. Finally, hate must end. This is not to say that you cannot disagree with someone, but the vitriol we are seeing now corrode out society so much it could threaten the very existence of our country. My favorite author, Robert Heinlein, point out the first signs of a dying society is the collapse of common courtesy. This is so blindingly obvious that we can’t see it until we look for it. When civility leaves it leaves gaps in the psyche that are filled with the blackness of bad behavior that spreads like a cancer.

We are no longer the exceptional Americans that de Tocqueville saw. We are no longer the Americans of the greatest generate, for how could we ever live up to that moniker. We are instead a desperately searching people looking to reclaim that exceptionalism that we so honestly delude ourselves that we have.  What is wrong with this country and maybe with the whole world is not something that can be legislated; it is an issue of heart and perspective. It is an issue of pride, both personal and civic, in knowing that your actions are not only right for you, but right for everyone around you. We need to throw off the egotistical view we have of ourselves and broaden it and take the lead of spreading these more humane moral and ethical concepts.

Do we have the nerve, each and every one of us, to hold up a mirror to ourselves and honestly see how own actions help or hinder the people are society around us? Are we going to see a person that really only gives a hoot for him/herself, selfish and arrogant, or are we going to see a person that is trying as best they can? My suspicion is that there are some of both people in all of us, some good, and some bad. But on balance, where do you fall on the scale? We all know that a law will not make a difference; we know that the true nature of change can only come from within.

It’s out there of course, our American Exceptionalism, if we can all find it in our hearts to live up to it. And if that day ever comes, and it is my hope that it does, we can all be proud of the country we have raised up from a low spot in our history.  Let us all turn the fallacy back into a future reality.