So why is Barack Obama not hitting Hilary Clinton in the race for the democratic nomination? Do you think it is because there is nothing to hit her on? You think that the past is just the past and if that were brought up it would be ignored? No, it is simpler than that. He can’t use negative campaigning because then it will be the big black man attacking the white woman and that does not play in white America.

You think I am wrong? You think that white America has outgrown this type of racism? If so you had better ask yourself if what I say is not true and be honest with yourself.

Barack has no choice but to take the hits and play softball with the attacking remarks. He has to be certain what he says it true and even then it has to have some relevance. Of course it helps when the press points out Hilary’s lies and misstatements then Barack can just “Yeah, that’s right” the stories and not be the attacker. Very neat. But to initiate really vitriolic negative advertising would sink Barack’s chances in a blink of an eye. It is bad enough he has to justify everything and everyone in his life and has done an incredible job of countering every (most) criticism.

But you have to give him credit for keeping his cool. I swear I hear this stuff and I get mad at Hilary for him. More and more women that I know are all moving over to Obama because they are ashamed at the attacks Clinton(s) keep making. Hilary insists the campaign is not about race, but Bill takes every opportunity to point out that he’s black. If the Clinton campaign is a two for one sort of thing (and I pray that in the end it is not) then you got two messages coming out of two different holes. So who do you attack, a former President? It is a no win for Barack.

It is bad enough that the Clinton strategy seems to be do and say whatever you can to get nominated and then apologize later, but he has to contend with two fairly untouchable people. But to his credit he has kept calm and restrained his people and has kept message on target and cleaner than it needs to be.

All I know is that every time Hilary opens her mouth the more and more I’m in Obama’s camp. I am fed up with the whining and conniving. I have had I up to here with the “misspoken” statements by both Hilary and Bill. They know they are lying when they speech, and you know what, it is becoming real obvious to everyone else. I certainly will never believe and “folksy” story she related, and of course that mean how can I believe a word she says.

I’m done… I mean I am really done… is TV Land showing reruns of the Beverly Hillbillies? … No, but MSNBC is.

Hey Dems, you might want to wake up to the fact that the “Big Lie” may kill you in short order and you will have lost yet another Presidential race. The lie: Barack Obama is unelectable. Why? Well glad you asked…

At this point you have a country watching a democratic candidate acting like a real child and her name is Hilary Rodham Clinton. She agrees to the rules of the game and now that the game is not going her way she tries to change the rules. While that may play when you ARE president, it does not fly when you are running for president and in a country like the United Stated of America where fair play is cherished. That’s why we like our sports so much and don’t mind it when the ref blows the whistle. The problem is the refs in this case seem to be deaf and dumb and called the DNC.

Anyway, when Clinton keeps spouting the “Big Lie” and the DNC does not call her on it they are setting themselves up for trouble because people may just well believe it. The fact is that no one knows just how Obama will fare in a race against McCain. In fact if the poles are any indication the race would be rather close and by all accounts a real wonderful exercise in American politics. And let’s face it, there is no assurance that Hilary would win against McCain in any case, and Hilary has a lot of skeletons that can be dug up.

At this point Obama can pretty much cruise to a win of the democratic popular vote and a win of democratic convention delegates. And even though he does not have the majority of “super-delegates”, as the air clears and he is shown to be the true winner the supers will come over to his side. But then there is the “Big Lie:…

OK, again according to poles Hilary has her voters convinced that Obama is the wrong guy. In fact if Hilary is not the nominee like 40% of her voters will either not vote or even vote McCain. INCREDIBLE! Bad enough not to vote, but to go over to the Republican ticket is like losing TWO votes. Wow! And the longer this goes on the more the party is going to separate, the more the Republicans will enjoy the win that is coming and coming fast.

Now if for whatever reason Clinton does get the nomination the Dems are in a heap of trouble anyway. Hilary may have the older voters, but all the new voters and the converted voters are all for Barack and since they no longer have their guy to vote for the likelihood that they just stay home goes through the roof and now the number of democratic voters plummets. Oops. Say what you may about the Republicans, when push comes to shove they back their boy and get out the vote. If they do get out the vote and even engender some new ones the race is up for grabs and Hilary is not as strong against McCain.

The Big Lie, the more you say it the more people believe it.

So I need to make some money on the side to live in the modest style I have unfortunately become accustom to. So the thought has been rattling around my head, what can I do and get paid for it? What unique talents do I have that set me apart from the population? Well, I am good with computers.

I mean who is it that all of my friends turn to when they need help with their computers? Yours’ truly. Who do people ask when they are having trouble with a web site? Yours’ truly. And who is it that people go to when surfing the web has become a thing of danger? Yours’ truly; so why not teach people what I do on computers and get paid for it? Thus, I present to you my selection of computer lessons. Each lesson is linked to a more detailed description.

For absolute novices (but good for all):

Computer Basics I (Parts)
Computer Basics II (Interoperations)
Computer Basics III (Buying your new computer)
Computer Basics IV (Setup and Environment)
Computer Basics V (Getting Online)
Computer Basics VI (Transferring your Data)
New Computer Day! (All the above, all day!)

For beginners with computers:

Window 2000, XP, Vista
Understanding Your Data (Storing, Organizing, and Backing up)
Crash Recovery (and how not to get caught in a crash)
THE INTERNET I: Facts, Myths, and Common Sense
THE INTERNET IIa: Microsoft Internet Explorer
THE INTERNET IIb: Mozilla Firefox
THE INTERNET IIc: All other browsers
THE INTERNET III: Your Information (Being Safe)
THE INTERNET IV: Surfing
THE INTERNET V: Searching
THE INTERNET VI: Web II (Social Networking)
THE INTERNET VII: Email (Web Based)
THE INTERNET DAY! (All Internet, All Day)

For intermediate users:

Microsoft Word 2003, 2007
Microsoft Excel 2003, 2007
Microsoft Outlook 2003
Microsoft Power Point 2003
Microsoft FrontPage 2003

Web creation and programming:

HTML 4.2 (Concepts, Construction and Methods)
XHTML 1.0 (Concepts, Construction and Methods)
CSS 2.1+ (Concepts, Construction and Methods)
JavaScript (Concepts, Construction and Methods)
WebPage and WebSite Design (Concepts, Construction and Methods)
Web Tools (FTP, Mail, Browsers)
Web Services (whois, search, domain handling and administration)
UltraEdit
Adobe PDF
PERL (Client Side Installation)
PERL (Basic Programming Syntax)
PERL (Programming)
PHP (Programming)

And for the artistic people out there:

Corel Draw (All Versions)
Corel Paint (All Versions)
Understanding Image Formats (Raster and Vector)
Digital Photography Basics
Digital Photography Advanced (requires DSLR)
Digital Photography Digital Darkroom

If there is anything I have left out, let me know, but I think I got all my strong points. I could probably teach just about any topic that is computer related with some prep time, I am good that way.

So why should I be your teacher other than the fact that I have been working with computers since 1978? Well, I was one of the first webmasters on the web. In 1995 I was the Quarterdeck Webmaster. I then went on to webmaster for DPSC, See Beyond, Emblaze and finally WebRadio.com where I was eventual Director of Web Development and “teaching” a team of programmers. Later on I specialized in web data collection tracking 600 million emails a day for Stargate 2000. In addition to these positions I was also part of the early HTML team with the W3C and the Java Programming team for the Emblaze/Intel Strong Arm III Chip that provided web access on cell phones. Finally, this site is using the plugins I have written with the core PHP programming provided by EE. These plugins are used all over the internet now.

So, if you are in the Las Vegas area and want me to teach you let me know. Send an email to jeff@lvpctutor.com and we will work out a schedule.

Pricing:
All lessons are $25 an hour. All day lessons are $100 and I set aside a 5 hour block, over the 5 hours is at the hourly rate. (This is one-on-one training only)

Software:
I do not provide software. If you require training in a particular program please acquire it before the lesson, we can install it as part of the lesson (recommended). All software must be legally registered. (If you have questions about this, please ask.)

Books:
On occasion I will recommend a book that is appropriate to the subject at hand. I will recommend it in advance to give you time to get it. I do not provide the books. However, all these lessons are hands on and the book is NOT required, just recommended.

Out of Area Travel:
If you are out of the Las Vegas Area the rates change. If out of Las Vegas I rent a car and will expect that to be covered. Hourly rate is $50 and hour. Daily rate is $400 a day (8 hour max). If I am required to spend the night I can bill the room or you can provide accommodations as needed. These details can be worked out in advance and are generally in conjunction with Group Classes, in which case the higher rate prevails.

Group Classes:
In the case of multiple students, use following rates:

2-6 students $20 each per hour
7-12 students $17.50 each per hour
13-20 students $15 each per hour
21-40 students $12.50 each per hour

In the case of group classes, your group must provide the space for the class and the computers for the students. I will not teach a class situation where the ratio of students to computers is higher than 3:1. All group classes are a minimum of 3 hours but I highly recommend 5 hours of instruction with an hour break. Classes of this type require a 50% advance and the balance on completion. Travel expenses apply outside Las Vegas.

Class Descriptions:

Computer Tutor Class and Course:
For absolute novices (but good for all):

Computer Basics I (Parts): You can’t run a computer unless you know what is what and what is where on a computer. This is a detailed lesson that will allow you to know what everything does and why it does it. Input, output, storage, memory, network devices and displays are covered; what to look for and what to avoid.

Computer Basics II (Interoperations): Now that you know the parts you should know how to put them all together. Detailed information on what goes into where and the options that are available. Covers WiFi, Blue Tooth, USB I and II and other peripheral connections. Installing memory cards and other add-on cards is also covered.

Computer Basics III (Buying Your New Computer): It’s time for your new computer or your first computer, but what computer do you get and what’s right for you? Discussion of all the questions you should ask, what you need for what you intend to do with your computer, and how to shop for your next computer. Plus, should you build your own computer?

Computer Basics IV (Setup and Environment): Time to put the last three lessons into action. We get the computer home, set it up and adjust your environment for best performance. Talk about the chairs you use and the desks you need, and other matters concerning ergonomic computing.

Computer Basics V (Getting Online): The Internet awaits you, but how should you get on? Do you want to use a dial-up account? Is DSL or cable modem good for you? Should you set up a Wifi system? If so, do you need a router? So many things to think about, this lesson will help clarify the situation.

Computer Basics VI (Transferring Your Data): Now that you have your new computer all set up, you need to move over your old data if you had any on another computer. Parallel linking, USB linking, Network Sharing are all covered in this lesson on moving files from one computer to another.

New Computer Day! (All Basics, All Day!): This is the intense all day version of the above lessons with a trip to the computer store to choose and buy a computer if you so choose. Then we set it all up and get you running in a way you understand. One other topic covered as well: What to do with your old computer.

Computer Tutor Class and Course:
For beginners with computers:

Window 2000, XP, Vista: Do you understand what is going on with your computer? Do you know what the operating system is? Do you know what services are? How about the start folder, do you know what goes there? This lesson is a tour of what your computer does and how it does it even without programs.

Understanding Your Data (Storing, Organizing, and Backing up): Learning to organize you data correctly is probably one of the most important things to learn when you start using a computer.  Learn why shoving all your files into “My Documents” folder is not safe. Learn how to organize your files and keep them safe from common virus attacks.

Crash Recovery (and how not to get caught in a crash): Everyone, and I do mean everyone has their computer crash once in a while, there is no way around it. I do not care if your computer is a Mac, Windows, Linux, Unix or something else, your computer will crash on you sometime. Learn how to be ready for a crash and minimize the damage it does.

THE INTERNET I: Facts, Myths, and Common Sense: Don’t believe everything you hear about the Internet, you will be surprised at how much misinformation is out there. Let me clear the air for you. KNOW WHERE YOU ARE and learn to read that URL correctly.

THE INTERNET IIa: Microsoft Internet Explorer: Learn the ins and outs of MSIE. Learn how to surf the web, save files, subscribe to news feeds and more. Learn how to set up your browser so you won’t pick up any viruses or run malicious programs.

THE INTERNET IIb: Mozilla Firefox: Learn the ins and outs of Mozilla. Learn how to surf the web, save files, subscribe to news feeds and more. Learn how to set up your browser so you won’t pick up any viruses or run malicious programs.

THE INTERNET IIc: All other browsers: Learn the ins and outs of unusual browsers. Learn how to surf the web, save files, subscribe to news feeds and more. Learn how to set up your browser so you won’t pick up any viruses or run malicious programs.

THE INTERNET III: Your Information (Being Safe): Who’s safe and who’s not. Are you on a site that wants to hurt you or are you ok filling out that form in front of you? Learn how to tell the good from the bad.

THE INTERNET IV: Surfing: This is a fun lesson and I will show you how to surf like a pro. Learn to bookmark like a maniac and then organize your links in folders. Download files and images and save them. Installing safe plugin for your browser to help you get news feeds.

THE INTERNET V: Searching: One of the most interesting thing to do on the web is searching. I hear it all the time, I searched for it but couldn’t find something. Learn the tricks of the trade to better searches and how to select keywords. Use some of the more advanced Google searches and services.

THE INTERNET VI: Web II (Social Networking): It’s what all the kids are doing, so why not get your own place on MySpace or FaceBook. Can you just see your son or daughter now when they find your picture on the computer looking back at them. Learn to customize your “Space”.

THE INTERNET VII: Email (Web Based): There are two ways to get email, you can use a program like Outlook, Eudora or Thunderbird to retrieve your email to your computer, or you can learn to set up free accounts on Yahoo, AOL, or MSN. Learn to set up “throw away” accounts. Discover strategies to avoid spam.

THE INTERNET DAY! (All Internet, All Day): All of the above Internet lessons in one intense day of learning. Cover it all and have a lot of fun doing it. Plus: Tips on keeping track of passwords and user names, making good passwords, scheduling changing your passwords (and using Outlook to set the reminders).

Computer Tutor Class and Course:
For intermediate users and office users:

Microsoft Word 2003, 2007: This could be as extensive as you need it to be. The topics that are likely to be covered are: Creating documents, saving documents, editing documents, adding tables, adding objects, formatting the page, using different views to different types if editing, Word Art, change tracking, using the tools and much more.

Microsoft Excel 2003, 2007: Excel is a very powerful program, learn how to use it to its full potential. Learn to format cells and data, add formula, tricks for making data automatically, importing and exporting data. Special attention is paid to creating graphs and charts. Use of Excels complete Help System allow you to find methods quickly with examples of use.

Microsoft Outlook 2003: Where would the advanced computer user be without his/her Outlook. This PIM is the heart of a users productivity. Email, scheduler, address book, task list, journal, and memo holder allow you to organize all your info for quick access. Add email accounts and learn how to manage email with rules and actions.

Microsoft Power Point 2003: Maybe the best presentation software on the market, if you need to put on a show this is for you. Learn all about simple slide shows to slide shows that are HyperMedia. Add sounds and motion your presentations.

Microsoft FrontPage 2003: When it comes to web site production, I turn to FrontPage for all my initial design. FP handles HTML better than any other program out there producing clean and precise code. Learn how to use all the views and all the short cuts to creating cutting edge webs.

Computer Tutor Class and Course:
Web creation and programming:

HTML 4.2 (Concepts, Construction and Methods): In learning HTML I do not teach just the tags and all the attributes, I teach the concepts on how a document is looked at on the web and how you need to structure your documents to be in compliance with web standards.

XHTML 1.0 (Concepts, Construction and Methods): Similar to HTML, in learning XHTML I do not teach just the tags and all the attributes, I teach the concepts on how a document is looked at on the web and how you need to structure your documents to be in compliance with web standards.

CSS 2.1+ (Concepts, Construction and Methods): Cascading Style Sheets allow the programmer to create simple pages rich with style. Learn about how to use style sheets to create templates and dynamic actions on web pages. This is advanced instruction.

JavaScript (Concepts, Construction and Methods): While Javascripts are less in fashion these days, being replaced by server side scripting, this is still something to know to create powerful web pages. This is advanced instruction.

WebPage and WebSite Design (Concepts, Construction and Methods): Webpages and Websites should not just be a bunch of links and some text on a page, there should be some coherence to the design. Learn to create well formed pages and sites by asking the right questions and using the right models.

Web Tools (FTP, Mail, Browsers): There are more tools to learn when you start web authoring, FTP clients and such and dealing with ISP’s and hosting services. Also, learn the difference between the browsers and how to create cross browser compatible pages.

Web Services (whois, search, domain handling and administration): You need a domain, so who do you register with? Where do you host at? How much bandwidth do you need, how much storage space or databases do you need? What services are available? How do I transfer a domain? These and MANY more answers are yours in this particular lesson.

UltraEdit: UltraEdit by IDM Software is one of the best text editors of all time. I have been using it for years and I never let me subscription lapse because it is so useful. This is a survey of all the features and functions.

Adobe PDF: Portable Document Format (PDF) is an excellent way of being sure your documents are available on all computer platforms. Learn the ins and outs of PDF Reader and Writer. Requires Abode PDF Writer installed and registered.

Perl (Client Side Installation): Practical Extraction and Reporting Language (Perl) is both a client and server side scripting language. Learn to install the runtimes and write simple scripts that run on your computer.

Perl (Basic Programming Syntax): The strength of Perl is in its server side scripting ability. This is an advanced class covering the basic of Perl programming and syntax.

Perl (Programming): Feel the power of Perl as you create more sophisticated web applications and access databases or create text databases if DB are not available from your host. Covers Object Oriented Perl and using CPAN to accelerate your programming.

PHP (Programming): Personal Home Page (PHP) started as a few simple tools and now has grown to a full fledged programming language. Similar to Perl, create dynamic pages using this programming language.

Computer Tutor Class and Course:
And for the artistic people out there:

Corel Draw (All Versions): This popular graphics program is one of the most powerful in professional use. I can honestly say that even years after starting to use it I am still learning. Take advantage of my experience and get a jumpstart in becoming a graphics pro. Covers the graphic objects interface as well.

Corel Paint (All Versions): You could pay hundreds of dollars for PhotoShop, but I think Painter does it all and as well as PhotoShop for less and is easier to use. Learn the ins and outs of this powerful program.

Understanding Image Formats (Raster & Vector): Think you know what an image file is? You know how they work? Bet you don’t. Learn what to use where here. Learn how to limit palettes and reduces file sizes. Find out about paletting and super-paletting.

Digital Photography Basics: This class covers the basics of your digital camera and the basics of good photography. Learn how to use the light, compose a picture, and make proper exposures and why it is important in digital photography.

Digital Photography Advanced (requires DSLR): Covers advanced topics of exposure and composition, including Depth of Field. Also, exposure compensation, manual focusing, bracketing, flash use and more. (Practical hands on experience, figure this is an all day class.)

Digital Photography Digital Darkroom: You have taken your pictures, now what? Bring them into your computer, adjust the color, and print! Find out all the little tricks photographers use to make you go “Wow” when you look at their pictures. Retouching also covered.

I do not know what prompted the latest surge of humming Schoolhouse Rock ditties in our apartment, but for whatever reason we have. The problem of course is that the last time I really watched them was 30 years ago. In that time the tunes and the words can really get confused so I took it upon myself to watch them again and at least learn them well enough to hum them correctly. In doing so I found out how really excellent these three minute lessons were.

Grammar Rock

There were 7 original “grammar” lessons and 2 additional that came out like 5 year later. When you talk to people about Schoolhouse Rock one of the two people really remember is “Conjunction Junction”. What I did not realize was how in depth they went into conjunctions, even to explain the symbolic logic behind them. I was impressed. Here is the list of Grammar Rock videos, mostly compliments of YouTube.com:

Unpack Your Adjectives
Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, Get Your Adverbs
Conjunction Junction
Interjections
Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla
Verb: That’s What’s Happening
A Noun is a Person, Place or Thing
Busy Prepositions
The Tale of Mr. Morton

History Rock

History Rock has the number two most remembered lesson, “I’m Just a Bill”. Once again, time had eroded that one more than I expected and I was leaving out the whole refrain. Never the less it is one that once you know it you can’t help but love. In fact most of them are like that. I will say this, I would never have passed the assignment on the Preamble without Schoolhouse rock. If it weren’t for the little tune I would never have remembered it in front of a class; that I do remember.

No More Kings
Fireworks
The Shot Heard Round the World
The Preamble
Elbow Room
The Great American Melting Pot
Mother Necessity
Sufferin’ Till Sufferage
I’m Just a Bill
Three Ring Government
Electoral College

Multiplication Rock

I guess that the 1’s and 10’s times tables would have been too easy for kids to learn and thus they never did make them. I did not know that till I went to look up all the videos. They made “0” and did 11’s and 12’s (Little Twelve Toes being my personal favorite) to complete what most third graders are assigned, but I guess they were on a limited budget (which I can totally believe).

My Hero, Zero
Elementary My Dear
Three is a Magic Number
The Four-Legged Zoo
Ready or not, Here I Come
I Got Six
Lucky Seven Sampson
Figure Eight
Naughty Number Nine
The Good Eleven
Little Twelve toes

Science Rock

For whatever reason I did not really remember any of the Science Rock segments until I saw them again; then the memories flooded back. Most of these cover “body” issues like the bones and nervous system, but several others categories of science get touched on as well. You can see where if they tried to do justice to even a part of the sciences they would still be making these lessons even today.

The Body Machine
Do the Circulation
Electricity, Electricity
The Energy Blues
Interplanet Janet
Telegraph Line
Them Not-So-Dry Bones
Victim of Gravity
Greatest Show On Earth

Money Rock

During the early 80’s there was demand for more Schoolhouse Rock so they did a whole series on “money”. I do not remember these from when I was young; I guess was done with Saturday morning cartoons by then. Watching them now however, you can see the spark in them (if a bit more mature) that was present in the older ones. They are certainly fun to watch.

Where the Money Goes
Walking On Wallstreet
$7.50 Once a Week
Dollars and Sense
Tyrannosaurus Debt
The Check’s in the Mail
Tax Man Max
This for That

Computer Rock

Bet you never heard of that one huh? How about “Scooter Computer and Mr. Chips”? No? Well, neither had I until I went looking at all the stuff that was available because of course I have to have all the “lessons”. I could not find any video’s on these, but I did find some audio clips. Being a computer geek, I would actually love to see these vid’s so if you know where they are posted, let me know.

Scooter Computer Intro
Scooter Computer Hardware
Scooter Computer Software
Scooter Computer Number Cruncher

Satire Rock

Of course stuff this good has been satired a bunch of times, look up on YouTube.com for more of it. Here is a selection of the best that I think actually does justice to the Schoolhouse Rock genre.

Nike Ad (to Three is a Magic Number)
Emperors and Pirates
Mad TV “Nouns"
Dysfunction Junction
Conspiracy Theory Rock
Exclamations
Nutrition

I really love this stuff, so if you know of more of it, let me know. I do know there were several “Afternoon Specials” that had this stuff in it. If you remember them, pass that along too!

Well, I guess I have gone and done it, I finally made the big time. Turns out if you type “Gerbil Injection” into Google you get a MoM page “Urban Legend”. All the rest of the Google results are veterinary entries about actually injecting gerbils with something. I guess that makes me the “gerbil injection” expert on the web… No? … no (thank god).

Turns out I have the name of the sexual perversion wrong. The act of shoving a gerbil up you ass is actually called gerbilling or gerbil shoving. For more on this you can look under “Urban Legends; gerbils” or “About.com Urban legends; Gere and the Gerbil” or a gerbilling reference on tafkac.org, on the “StraightDope.com” or even “UrbanDictionary”. Also search the key words “Gerbilling”, “Gerbil Shoving”, and “Gerbilling Video” for a different take on the word.

Of all the items that people view, the Urban Legends entry is number one, believe it or not. It is number one because it is tagged as “gerbil injection” on Google. I know because I see the referrers in my logs. Interesting is that MoM does not show up on Yahoo at all. Oh well, there is no accounting for taste.

Hmm… I wonder how many other tags in Google rate me at the top of the pile?

I hate to be like a lot of the other talking heads around and say it’s all the media’s fault, but I swear the press is getting nastier by the second, and that includes my favorite news outlet, MSNBC. Now with the accessing of passport information at the State Department by some lowly lookie-loos, I have to wonder where the granularity lies between what gets reported and what is deemed trivial.

Do we really need to know all the unseemly details of every candidate that wants to run for an elected position? Will we be rummaging through their garbage cans looking for condom wrappers next? Because if we did find condom wrappers it would mean someone had sex and god forbid we didn’t know about THAT! Or maybe we can look for empty cookie wrappers or ice cream containers, that would prove someone was nervous about something and bingeing on sweet delights to calm down. And of course if they didn’t gain weight we could then prove they were bulimic and wouldn’t that make for a great scandal? Call Chris Mathews, call Bill O’Riely, call your sister and your neighbor and email everyone in your email address book… SOMEONE SNUCK A COOKIE!

Where does it end?

In the case of the passport information, you got to know that yours and mine information is available to many government employees to look at on a whim, and in this case where “Candidate Information was Accessed” it was to be expected. Could you really blame some people for being weak and NOT accessing the info if they could? The temptation would just be too much for some people. So they look, they get their voyeuristic thrill and in honesty the details are forgotten the moment the screen clears and they move onto something else. They get admonished, maybe fined or fired, and that is the end of that.

Why does there have to be a conspiracy behind every corner?

Because we like that there could be a conspiracy behind every door and under every bed. It has gotten to the point that a Governor can’t even hire a hooker with his own money without it being his downfall. Now granted, he was a hypocrite being all Mr. Justice and all and then found out to be banging skanks, but even if he weren’t Mr. High and Mighty he still would have been brought low because for whatever reason he wanted to pork a pro. And the ratings go up and up and up and up…

But there has to be a limit, even if it costs rating points… why? Because in the long run what did Mr. Spitzer do that was so horrible? He paid for a lay, too much, but it’s his money. This may indicate he has a problem at home, or maybe he is just a freak, but should this indiscretion really be brought public? Did this actually interfere with his ability to do the job the people of New York elected him for? Did he really have to step down because he had to have his dick attended to? It makes no sense because we are no better that he is, it is just that he is in the public eye that we scrutinize him so closely. Dare we count the number of men that have stepped out for a hummer or some such and make all these encounters public and report them on the 6pm news for all the kids to hear? Or, should we disclose all the mommies having nooners with someone other than hubby? Where would we be if there was complete transparency in our lives?

I can hear the screams now… how dare the media publish my private comings and goings. But let’s face it, you were being bad person and you should be publicly spanked. No? Well then what makes you think you have the right to know everything about a “public” figure? If the public figure is public for being a slut and that is their thing, sure, report all the seemly details. If the person is famous for being a politician, report all the political things they are involved in, but where is the need then to pry into their private life and doings?

Remember West Wing on NBC? There was an episode where a reporter had some salacious information about one of the characters and CJ asked him why he didn’t report it. He replied, “It isn’t news, it’s just gossip.” It was a statement of journalistic ethics that I could get behind. He was not after the cheap shot or interested in seeing someone maimed by lurid rumor, he wanted to report something of substance. I think this level of professionalism is what is needed now. Chief Editors need to look beyond the almighty ratings point and pick up a higher level of journalistic ethics.

We all need to curb our curiosity and know that while we will not know everything about our public figures, we will know the important things about them that would affect their ability to do the job we are “interviewing” them for. I really do not care if Barak Obamas’ preacher is an extremist, is Barak? I don’t care if McCain can’t remember the details regarding Soonies and Shiites and such, the confusion stuck in his head like a bad song, will that actually stop him from doing the job we need him too? I could careless if Clinton has a “gal pal” (as is rumored), this would not prevent her from doing the job or president. However, I might want to know about her total involvement in “White Water” as that may reflect on her decisions and maybe be a point of compromise for her.

Yes, the news may be a bit less interesting, yes that titillation factor would be gone, but at least we would be free of the tasteless minutia that is being reported today.

I think I touched on this before, but I think it may be worth repeating. Don’t get me wrong, I am not an elitist, I am not racist, I just calls them as I sees them and this one is starting to irk me.

So what is it that has me irked? Well it is “Stupid White Guy Syndrome”. So what is “Stupid White Guy Syndrome’? Simple, just watch TV for any bit of time and notice the commercials. The one where the “stupid white guy” is featured is the syndrome. Why has it become ok to make fun of the stupid white guy? I mean yeah, there are stupid white guys, but there are also stupid black guys, and stupid Hispanic guys, stupid Chinese guys, and stupid Eskimo guys for that matter. But none of these other groups are allowed to be made fun of, just stupid white guys.

I really do not want to hear that it is backlash from white guys making fun of blacks or other groups. Why would it be ok to denigrate white people if it is NOT alright to denigrate blacks or whatever? Simple answer; it is not ok to do that, but yet, here we are.

I think that we (stupid white guys) do not have an advocacy group. Blacks have NAACP, Jews have the ADL, and there are like a dozen advocacy groups for Hispanics and others, but there is nothing for us stupid white guys. Well, there are two that I can think of right off the top of my head, but I don’t want to be associated with the real stupid white guys. After all I would look stupid bald and I do not care to put holes in my nice Egyptian cotton sheets. (Although, come to think of it, I do not see anyone making fun of Skin Heads and Klansmen. I guess the people who make such ads would be to scared to make fun of the KKK on the off chance of getting lynched.)

The thing is I think that society just thinks that these commercials and sitcoms are fun and not looking at the underlying, implied message, that all white guys are stupid. I mean we can’t imply blacks are stupid anymore, we certainly can’t imply women are ditzy anymore; we have to empower all these groups, except stupid white guys.

Now some of you are thinking I just don’t have a sense of humor. Well in that you would be wrong. I am Jewish, and if you know one thing about Jews is that they can take the humor as dished out by any group and still find it funny assuming it is intended to be funny and not derogatory. I can similarly find the stupid white guy funny if it is funny. You know, funny ha ha, not funny oh my. Most of the stuff today is intended to be funny, but really, it’s not.

Give you an example: The Kinko’s commercial where the Stupid White Guy wants color copies from a B&W originals. He thinks that by running it on the color copier he will get color copies out of it (The shit of it is that he will, but the colors will be all in B&W, but that’s not the point). The counter attendant wants to do it on the B&W copier and he just wants it done on the color copier (she should actually just do it on the color machine and charge him more.) They go back and forth a bit and Stupid White Guy turns to Savvy Black Guy who tells him that it is his fault for the miscommunication. When you read this it does not sound so funny, and in my opinion it is not funny when viewed either, but then again, it is Stupid White Guy getting “faced” once again.

I guess that is just the world we are living in. It is a world where Stupid White Guy is the butt of any and all humor. It is a world where Stupid White Guy rules the television programming, but the real joke is that Stupid White Guys run the country and sits in the White House. I wonder where our humor will wander if Stupid White Political Woman gets in office or even if Bewildered Black Political Guy should take the seat of power?

Maybe there will not be so many Stupid White Guys soon.

(I am currently taking education class at the local community college and one of the assignments was to manipulate an image and then write a story about it. The image is that of the instructor and he’s featured in the lower right of the attached image. Enjoy!)

The light was so bright that it woke me as it seeped through my eyelids. Just as the searing light dazzled me I felt the heavy shackles slam home, restraining my movement and preventing me from cover my dilating pupils adding frustration to the eye strain. Then almost as suddenly my legs were bound and straps seemingly with a life of their own floated across my chest, pinching off any possible movement I should effort.

“Let me up, let me outta here damnit. Where the hell am I?” My shouts echo in the small room I’m in. I know it is small, the echo is fast. It had to be a metal or concrete room too; the sound had that sharp return. “Come on, let be up.”

A soft groan to my left told me there was someone else in the room. I turned my head and there she was, just barely visible to my maladjusted eyes. Adorned in a rose pink flowing silk gown, she had golden blonde hair and slender long gams, the kind that could stop traffic or make a sot drop his drink. She stirred and sat up slowly, stretching, displaying her feminine beauty.

“Who are you?” I asked.

She looked at me with the face of a goddess smiled and said not a word.

“Who are you?” I asked again.

She smiled at me again and said in a dulcet voice, “I am Whitley Schreiber. Are you a smart human?” Slowly and before my eyes her features changed and were becoming those of a recluse writer. “Have you met my friends, Clatoo, Nictow, and Baradas? They’re hungry…”

I looked around. Left. Right. I realized that they must be above my head and I heard faint rustling from there. Looking up slowly a huge green forehead came into view. The smooth green skin was riddled with pulsating veins. Slowly I became aware of the alien hand, it was about to touch my head with it’s clawed finger tip. My heart was pounding; I knew they meant me harm. I squirmed against my bindings but it was no good, I could not lash out against the monstrosity as it approached my head. They were going to suck my brains out and I would be one of the zombie hoard left on earth, just another brainless hulk lumbering around searching for my own brains to suck on from some other unsuspecting victim.

The clawed appendage touched my pate and I screamed…

“MERRRROW” hissed my cat Jake as I awoke suddenly and sat bolt upright in bed. Jake was sitting on my pillow now purring and licking his paw. He must have licked my head. Still, I was breathing hard and disoriented. My wife Wendy touched my arm and I jumped again. I felt my head; it was still in one piece.

“Honey, those old SF movies are giving you bad dreams. Turn off the TV and go back to sleep…”

I reached for the remote and as I did I could hear the British Announcer say “Reports are coming in from all over the Empire—from all over the world. The Government has not yet issued a statement, but there seems to be no question that there actually is a large, unidentified object circling the earth at incredible speed.” The start of The Day the Earth Stood Still was showing, continuing the SF marathon. I shut off the TV and flopped back onto bed, Jake scurried away.

As I looked at the dark ceiling above I had to wonder if when I awoke next it would be as a brain sucking zombie. I decided against it and rolled over, making the sure my blanket was all the way over my head.

The first thing I would love to have removed from all candidates talking points is that they would be ready from day one to take over the Presidency.

I know television is not a substitute for reality, but if even the novelized reality as presented in “West Wing” is even fractionally true, there is no way that anyone coming into the role of President is going to be up and running from day one. From what I understand there is no “Presidential Handbook” and each has to learn the role for themselves. Isn’t this why we have the “Presidential Honeymoon” or “First 100 Days” as the President learns the role and grows the cabinet?

When I hear Hilary Clinton say that she will be ready from day one (and remember Bill will not be there, he is not our elected President) and that the terrorists will not attack us because she will be ready from day one, I get scared. No, she will not be ready, and Yes, they will attack us if they get the chance. What deluded notion makes her think she is that special. If anything, the terrorist are going to try to attack hard because in their eyes she will be a weak woman in the highest office.

The office of the President is never the same twice, and the person assuming the office is never prepared for the stress and the routine at the time of assuming the office. We have all seen the interviews with ex-Presidents, to the man they say they were not prepared and to the man the stress changed them.

Please all, let’s accept that the office of the President is not as easy as any other temp job.

“When I am elected I am going to fix the budget, lower taxes, fix the schools, change health care for everyone, raise the minimum wage, deal with the immigration problem and see too it every baby has a lollipop.”

My response… “Yeah, but what are you going to do?”

The devil is in the details isn’t it? But from the above statement (the kind that we hear incessantly during the campaigns) all I get is the same old line and no real details on how any candidate plans to accomplish such goals. In fact when American start to hear the details it strike a chord and draws attention.

It occurred to me that the winning candidate over the last 20 years are the ones that presented details on the plans for change. We hear “Change, change, change” so much but rarely do we hear how change will be accomplished.

Traditionally it has been the republicans giving us the details. In the last campaign is was George Bush’s education details that helped him. He had a vision of what was to happen in Iraq. No other candidate knew what they would do should they become president, all they said was they would bring the troops home and never really considered what that may entail.

So, who should we be looking at in this campaign. Tradition carries the day here and John McCain is the man talking specifics. Ron Paul, for all the “revolution” hype and, let’s face it, lack of personality, is talking specifics. Barack Obama sometimes talks specifics, but he does it so rarely that we forget about that.

So, I am going to keep an eye on the three above and cast my vote for the most unlike of the three (Ron Paul) and watch the fur fly.

You know that occasionally I do get political in my blog, and if you have not figured it out I lean to the Republican side of the ticket. I will seriously consider the Independent and Green Candidate and can happily say that the last elected President I voted for was Ronald Reagan. But this comment comes from the Democratic side of the aisle, and it is the self destruction of Hilary Clinton.

It all started with her lose in Iowa and the sudden rise of Barack Obama. She is now so desperate that her whole tempo and style is thrown out the window. In fact she has appeared tired and weepy and to be honest she appears very un-Presidential. I once thought she may be something in the political world, but one setback seems to have shaken her and shown what she may be like in office. This person we definitely do not need in our highest office when things get tough.

But why did she loose, and why is she tumbling in the polls? Simple, the Independents and Fence Sitters finally realized that Barak was more than just an upstart contended and broke for him. The problem is there are a lot of these Independents and Fence Sitters and they are enough to turn the tide.

Let’s face it though; Iowa and New Hampshire are not the whole country. The problem here is she has now shown a personal strip that really is at odds to being the President. I for one do not want an emotional and confused President when things get rough.

Advice: Buck up Hilary. Take the licks. Stop being an emotional person. Oh, and your coy humor, stop it, it comes across as disingenuous. Believe it or not you still have a chance but get back to where you were before the elections. Start talking about specifics of what you are likely to do if you are elected. Finally, stop using historic figures as comparators to your opponents, you are not good at it and are offending large groups of people.

Sorry Hilary, if I have to vote Democratic I would vote Obama at this point.