Today I got back another tune. The song is the most significant one in my life, and today while listening to it I realized how significant it was. I made the realization that I was living it. That this incredibly poignant song that I cherished because of the memory of my grandfather, who was more my father that my father ever was, was a model for my life in terms of how I treat people around me.

When you’re weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I’ll dry them all.
I’m on your side, oh, when times get rough
And friends just can’t be found,

I do not know what it is about me, but when I see people in distress I do help them out if I can. This is especially true with lovers in my life. I want to clear the tears and comfort them and help them be all better. My true friends know that I will do anything I can for them. I will help them in any way I can. I will be there for them when they cannot find any other friends. Just like my grandfather did for me.

Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down.

I see things in life like a river, flowing around us and bringing change and sometimes strife for no reason other than life can suck at times. I want to be that bridge that helps my friends to cross over to better times.

When you’re down and out,
When you’re on the street,
When evening falls so hard, I’ll comfort you.
I’ll take your part, oh, when darkness comes
And pain is all around,

Cycles weave their way about us and this seems to be a time for me that the cycles are converging. An example of that is my best friend. For years I have wanted to help him and made offer after offer, but for a myriad of reasons, things never worked out for me to be able to help him in any truly significant way other than to offer my support, an ear, and a hopefully wise word when needed.

But just yesterday word came down and now my friend will be joining me in Las Vegas and I will be able to help him create a better life for himself and hopefully more happiness will be his. He deserves it, he has had a hard time over the past few years, and he is too good a person to deserve the shit he was dealing with, so now that may change, if we can keep from killing each other.

Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down.

Sometimes the river is not close at hand, and the bridge to be crossed is literally one of distance. I have tried so hard to bridge the distance of ones that I love, and again, for whatever reasons, this bridge is so much harder to cross. In my heart there are people that I connect with so intimately, people that I feel strongly for, but the bridge of distance is a bridge whose toll is one that cannot be easily paid. It is a physical bridge, it is a transition, it is leap of faith to join one over distance, and one that I want to help other with, but have been unsuccessful with. So now I will lay it down and know that I can try and offer to bridge things and hope to be there for those I want to be part of my life.

Sail on silver girl, sail on by.
Your time has come to shine,
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine, oh and when you need a friend,
I’m sailing right behind

Oh and this last stanza has hurt so badly. I do not know if she knows the truly deep love I held for her and the pain that I have gone through waiting for her, hoping she would be part of my life. Someone that I truly did want to be significant in my life. But my silver girl has sailed on by me, and her time has come to shine, but with someone else. Now I am right behind her, wishing her all the best, the smiles that she needs and I cannot provide, the love and comfort that will make her a complete and happy person. She crossed a bridge and I ended up being the troubled waters.

Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down.

But with this I realized now, that maybe I was not her troubled waters, but in fact her bridge to a fuller and better life. I was her transition from one life and hopefully to a better life. I do not know, I still have to make the final connections in my mind. I have to feel the emotional separation and follow the banks of troubled water to my next bridge.

But maybe there is not such a distance to travel for that. There may be a lover in the near distance. She may be waiting for me at the next bridge. She may be part pf my life now. She may be within my vision and I am but waiting for the blindness of the troubled waters to clear, my head to crest the surface of the flowing river and allow me to see with clarity what is there without the emotional waters to blind me.

We will see. Looks like the song is on repeat for me and ready to start again.