Miasma Of Musings

>>> Next entry: The Real Interview
<<< Previous entry: Going Private

Posted by HarshawJ in Musings
on Thursday, September 07, 2006 10:50:10 AM
in a "confused" mood.

Came in Second

Ok, so this may be a petty thing to think about, but I do. Have you ever being “The last Guy” or “The Last Gal”? What I mean by this is have you dated someone and the next person they date is “it”, their match? How did you feel knowing you were the “last guy’?

In all fairness I am very happy for her, that she found the person she wants to be with, but what was it that didn’t work with us? Was it me? Was it her? Was it karma? What ever it was I can’t put a finger on it and it is weird knowing I am second best. Not that I have not been second best before, but never in this manner.

If we were not talking as happens so often when two people break it off I guess I would not be wondering about it. But we have remained friends and we check up on each other from time to time. So I guess it is only normal to wonder about it. I am not sure I can put a finger on the feeling but to say that there is a feeling there.

Maybe I am jealous, after all I did not want to end the relationship. Maybe I am a bit envious too, he’s getting what I wanted. Whatever, it is subtle and there and hard to grasp.

Maybe I just need to get over it, but that is going to take time.

(7) Comments • Permalink

Comments

Posted by TxRose on
09/13/06 06:13:58 AM

It does take time, indeed. I am, though, generally happy for the person in finding the "it" person. It is so hard to find that special someone that you feel that is so totally "it". I don't feel slighted because I do know that I am a good person and good to and for others; it is just that that person has someone that, perhaps, fills in for portions that may be my own imperfections. Everyone has them; I am no different in having any imperfections.

I am seeking to meet what may be the "it" person for me. Presently, it is more complicated in my present work schedule that I am working towards a more productive work environment/schedule so that it will also be more conducive to meeting someone.

Got any ideas in that magi bag of tricks of yours???

(((HUGS)))

TxRose

Posted by TxRose on
09/13/06 06:19:33 AM

PS. Sorry to hear that you have limited MoM to just your own blog because I have so enjoyed the postings of many folks. Guess they have gotten busy with their lives, like I have done.

I have and do enjoy reading your blog postings though as well and will look forward to continued reading of your blog. You have a lot of talent that you need to cultivate. I am looking forward to seeing where that will take you -- and beyond!

TxRose

Posted by on
09/13/06 06:34:45 PM

Well, aqll I can say about being the "last person before the IT person" is this: It only hurts when you're that person and not when you broke up with someone before finding YOUR "IT" person. What people always seem to forget is that when a couple breaks up, there's a reason for it. The person who did NOT want to break up in the first place, as so often happens, is left around with his or her heart hanging out and wondering why the other person didn't want them.
It sucks. It's painful. It makes you want to cry, to rage, to do violence to other people (typically the new other person) be it physical violence, humiliation, or just lots of bad poetry and venom in a diary or blog. Bottom line is that it doesn't matter because you weren't the right person for them and therefor they were NOT the right person for you.
Ok, say that I'm heartless. Say I have no compassion for my fellow man/woman. Say that I am a bitter lonely middle-aged crank with nothing better to do but state how much misery loves company. None of it is true, for I am one of the most compassionate people I know. But in this case, rather in general, I make this point: If my pal who wrote this post originally were still with the last woman who left him for the person that turned out to be her "It" person, he would not now have been in the relationship he has been in for the last 9 months... one that is very good for him and seems to be working out for both. So what the hell is there to be sad and disappointed about?
This opens a new line of questioning: if you're still having hurt feelings about being left by the last ex, and still "getting over it", why are you in your current relationship? Is it convenience, fear of being alone, or something else. Do you understand that your last didn't and doesn't want the person you were then, and probably is not interested in who you are now because of the break up and feelings she may still have? And if it was so wonderful when the two of you were together, why didn't you take more drastic steps to get back together? If you are or were convinced she was your "IT" person, why are you where you are now.
I am going to apologize now for seemingly being harsh, but I don't believe in peeling off the bandage... they need to be ripped off. The bottom line is that the truth and self-examination often hurt, because it is so much easier to lie to yourself than to others. When you make yourself face the mirror of truth, you may often not like what you see. But you are the one that asked for it and have to face reality if you want to function in the real world. Otherwise find your local Arkham or Bellevue, trade your clothes for a straight-jacket and your Viagra, Cialis or Levitra for Xanax or Prozac or Lithium.
In the final analysis, we ALL want to be loved and happy, and we want the object of our affections to feel the same way about us that we do about them. Its not a perfect world. Hell, 20 years, 2 fiancee'`s and many broken hearts (mine AND others) and I am still looking for my IT person. But that's the key: I'm still looking, no matter how hurt I've been. I am either insane, an idealist, an optimist or a hopeless romantic.... maybe a little of all. But I continue to dream the Impossible Dream.
The Love Boat soon will be making another run...

Posted by TxRose on
09/14/06 04:05:53 AM

So true, silvertongue...

Break ups are hard on everyone, especially for the person left hanging with the heart exposed to the world not truly fully understanding the extent that break up was done. Relationships should never be made as a matter of convenience of the fear of being alone though. If one is indeed in that situation then they should get up and get off of that pity pot and move forward to either (1) try to get the "it" person back and/or (2) give up on the pity pot relationship and move forward to find out if there is truly another "it" relationship somewhere out there.

As for the Impossible Dream...Love Boats sound like a good idea!!

Posted by HarshawJ on
09/14/06 08:03:55 AM

Silvertongue,

Whew... where did all that come from? I thought I was addressing a very mild, almost wistful emotion I was feeling, one that many people may feel, and not the all out crush of dispair of rejection and then IMMEDIATE face of her getting married. No, this is just a simple kinda "What-if" feeling and is not interferring with current relationships.

Hell if that were the case I would be broken up about several women knowing that they are with thier its at this point, but none of that bothers me. It is just a simple "what-if" feeling and nothing more.

BTW... the Viagra/Xanex line.... Hilarious.

Dude, you took that WAY too seriously. I hope you feel better getting it off your chest.

- JB

Posted by TxRose on
09/14/06 09:36:31 AM

I certainly can understand those whistful moments. We all have them from time to time.

Yet,

life does continue forward out of our whistful moments and to the future around the bend.

Hopefully, the future is good to all of us in MoM-land....

TxRose

Posted by on
09/14/06 10:56:19 AM

OK so I went on a rant.. I was swept away with the moment. Its often hard to judge what's going on emotionally from written text. Do I feel better? I guess so... it wasn't something that was a sore spot with me. I just felt(and pardon the direction this is about to take)"Who gives a rat's ass why? It's over, so move on." It's been a while for me since I've even had 'closure' on a relationship ending. Both of my former fiancee`s cheated on me and lied about it. The last 'serious' relationship I had was a lust-filled month preceding my paramour moving to TN for work... something I knew about going into the relationship.
My gun-shy nature with relationships has given me a lot of unique persepctive. I guess sometimes it just comes flooding out.
So Mea Maxima Culpa and no hard feelings