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Posted by HarshawJ in Musings
on Monday, January 16, 2006 01:16:18 AM
in a "pissed off" mood.

Janus January

There are times that when not everything you do, everything you say, sinks in with those around you. Worse yet is when your admission should be looked on as positive and is then rebuked. To top that off, you describe what you are doing in a frank way and it is rebuffed even though you KNOW the other person engaged in similar activity and should understand.

Maybe it is the double standard that is getting to me, it is ok for you to do something, but when I want to do it you regard it as a slight or something, and decide to toss away the investment in time we had, ending a friendship. So be it.

It must be the New Year and people that I thought were my friends and very special to me are now severing ties with me for various reasons. I hate loosing friends, but I hate loosing friends for what I see as trivial or petty reasons. The thing is, and I can only hope this is the case (or fear that it is the case), that I am not in on all the facts. In which case if I do not have all the facts, maybe it is something I have done (or haven’t) and I am alienating people without knowing it.

I guess you can call it my New Years Resolution, and that was I promised to be more open and honest with those around me (hence the last posts). Maybe people cannot handle the honesty. Maybe they are leaving because they are hiding something. Maybe, maybe, maybe… who the hell knows anymore.

So, here it is, my list of friends is in the self-cleaning mode.

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Comments

Posted by on
01/16/06 09:49:43 AM

I know in my situation, I act rashly at times. My stress levels at home have a tendency to overwhelm me and it has become a neccessity to minimize the issues.
I have a dear friend I cannot communicate with anymore due to the insecurities of another.
It sucks but as honest as I have been, the pressure to end that connection for now is a must.
But I put myself where I am and I have to deal with the consequences.
My friend doesn't understand and it bothers me that things will never work out as I ahd hoped

Posted by TxRose on
01/16/06 12:28:45 PM

We are known by the friends that we keep - or, so they say. I don't think that we can always "keep" our friends, albeit we can always attempt to keep in contact with them as best we can, as we grow and mature at differing rates. We would certainly wish that we have the same friends throughout all stages of our lives; but, the beauty of some old friends disappearing they are often replaced by new ones.

I am certainly treasuring all the new friends that I have made in 2005 and hope that they all will be close and dear to me throughout the remainder of my lifetime.

If you are having some friends disappearing on you, I wouldn't necessarily take it as negative aspect, but be happy for them as they move down their new pathways and be their encourager. Try to keep in contact periodically as you can.

Sometimes, it may be that you are dampering them with a tone of negativity when they need some cheering forward and encouraging. However, only you can best assess that and make any adjustments necessary. This is hard to do, especially, if the outcome isn't always as you had hoped that it would be. I know.

During the past year, I have had childhood and college friends reappear after travelling on their separate paths for many years. It has been interesting to see how amazingly we live by the choices that we make.

I choose to remain positive and be an encourager to others. I am not chasing after my friends - partly because I am busy making sure that my financial status is floating well and partly because I know that they know that I am here for them whenever they need me.

The investment I have made in my friends is both cherished and treasured. I would like to think that one isn't known just by those friends that one keeps, but rather by the friends that they have touched and been touched by throughout the years and count the blessings for those friends who are presently surrounding them in encouragement, friendship, and faith.

Posted by HarshawJ on
01/16/06 10:13:55 PM

Lushgirl... if your friend does not understand, make him understand. Call him, write him, communicate in some form so that you say what needs to be said. There is every chance in the world that your friends will understand and you may find that they are more understanding than you can possibly believe.

- JB