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Posted by HarshawJ in Musings
on Tuesday, February 14, 2006 05:27:50 PM
in a "blah" mood.

Loose Ends

You could say the last two years in my life have been all about loose ends. My failed marriage was a huge loose end that needed tying off and I have. Career path was an issue and I think that I have resolved that in the fact that I do not need to resolve it. And finally, the family life.

When my mother passed last April it was relief to be honest. She had Parkinson Disease and she was not fairing well, so her death was a mercy and welcome. There was nothing we could do for her but make her comfortable and put up with her crotchety ways. So it was a good thing when she passed.

They say that if a spouse lives a year after one of the pair dies that they will live a long time. Well, my father passed yesterday, less than a year after my mother. He and I never really got along, he would spend more time in his precious garage working half baked wood projects than spending time with his children. He was not able to communicate very well, and was all in all the very model of a curmudgeon. Now he is gone, and one less thing I have to worry about.

Does that sound cruel? He was after all my father, I should feel something more, but I really don’t. In my life my father was my grandfather. When he passed I was devastated and to this day I remember him with fondness and love. So, if you think about it, I lost my father in 1986. My father was just a miserable person and now he is gone. One more loose end tied up in my life. Thanks dad.

There are several other loose ends that I know of, but they will work themselves out as they always do. Time is a wonderful thing.

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Comments

Posted by TxRose on
02/15/06 01:25:39 AM

Albeit both of my parents are still very much alive and approaching their 50th wedding anniversary, I was much, much closer to my paternal Grandma. When she died in 1992, I thought for sure it was the end of the world (much differently from any of my other relative's demises; therefore, I truly understand where you are coming from on that statement.

HUGS...

TxRose

Posted by on
02/15/06 05:04:06 PM

My true condolences.
I understand the sentiment.
Be on guard, though.
As closed off as we may towards those who pass on out of lives, the impact of their death may hit at a later date. I have found that to be the case in the death of my sister.
The anniversary hit this last week.
These things can sneak up on you.

Posted by HarshawJ on
02/15/06 06:24:16 PM

TxRose... I would suppose that it is not too uncommon for some people to sublimate someone else for a parent, and therefore when that person passes you feel it as though a parent had passed. I know that this is true for me so would commiserate with others that are feeling the same.

Likewise, since my father was so absent in my life, it is as though a more distant relative has passed, say an uncle that you hardly know. Sure, you feel bad, but since there is the detactment, it is not as though strong bonds were broken.

I have lived years without his interaction in my life, and in fact you could say that I have not had interaction with him my life at all. So, the broken bonds are not being felt as you would with a much closer relative.

Alas, this was they way it was with both my parents.

- JB

Posted by HarshawJ on
02/15/06 06:31:19 PM

LushGirl... It is so good to see you here... I hope to see you here more. I know that there may be bonds with my father that may sneak up on me, and I know that I may feel it more in the future, for the simple fact that there were many issues that needed closure and that closure was not affirmed in life.

However, over the years I have learned to grant myself closure on issues that bother me, and while it may take a while, I know I will work through them all.

Many of the issues are issues of hidden anger that I bore towards my father, and now there is no way that he can ever know the depths of that anger and the gaping hole he created in my life by not being there. There is no way now to confront it with him, so now I will have to face it and accept it all within myself. It will take time for me to work the anger completely out of my life, but I will do it. I did when my mother died.

I will be watchful though, and when it comes, and it will, I will deal with it in a reasonable manner.

- JB

Posted by on
02/15/06 07:28:51 PM

I have issues with my mother that I am in the process of healing.
I wonder if leaving them alone would be healthier ofr me,
but someone wise told me that I can just drop those beside the way like the old baggage it is and go on.
It is just growth.

glad to be back.
take care of yourself.

Posted by HarshawJ on
02/15/06 07:42:01 PM

We are always growing... it is part of life. Even with the death of my father, I will grow past it and be what I have to, and drop the baggage that was associated with him. It may take some time, but it will be gone and the stress of carrying it will be gone as well.

Call me or IM me...

- JB

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