When was the last time wrote about anything other than trivial matters? I know I wrote about my time in the hospital, but was that really about me at all or just about everything around me. Seriously, the last time I wrote about myself was the end of November. Interestingly, after that post I have felt a lot better about my memories of my parents. But what have I done about anything lately?

I have been dealing with the aftermath of appendicitis and have not really felt like much of anything. There have been days that all I want is to stay in bed and not deal with life. I have been depressed, although thankfully, not as badly as I would have been had I not been on Welbutrin. With that depression I just have not been in the mood. So I guess it is a good thing that I am writing again even if the writing is about such trivial matters as movies and television shows.

Only now, coming up on four months from the start of an episode in my life that I could have done without, do I feel like I want to get back on the horse at all and get things going. But my body hurts and I feel so weak. Yeah me, weak, the big oaf of a guy who couldn’t possibly be weak, but I am. Example; last Sunday I did some walking and have been regretting it ever since. Let’s just say the mind is willing but the body is not capable.

Here I am getting up in the morning and falling asleep again my 10am. I try to focus on anything and I fall asleep. Even during the writing of this entry I have fallen asleep several times and I bet I will do so some more. Then, in the evenings when I want to sleep, sleep eludes me. Is this part of the depression?

And finally, the warm and fuzzies are not there in regard to my blog writing. I know this is a temporary thing, I like writing and it will come back, but I want it back sooner so I can get back in the swing of things. I hate feeling like the world is moving on but I am sitting here and not keeping up.

I have to say that it is not that I have not had support from special people around me, I have, but that does not mitigate the depression and bewildering spin I am in. Everything is there for me to get back into the swing of things if I can only find strong enough reasons.

I know, maybe I need to wallow in an orgy of lust and wet spots. Maybe I should take a vacation and start later (nah). How about waiting for my world to finish falling apart and take it from the depths of depravity back to normal and adequate.

Or maybe, just maybe, I should start doing something about it right now. I’ll call friends, set out plans, start looking forward and hope, no will, my life to commence again.