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HarshawJ Posted by HarshawJ in Musings
on Saturday, November 26, 2005 02:46:55 AM
in a "disappointed" mood.
image
Secret Messages

Have you ever posted an entry with the intent of communicating to someone an opinion or message? To the viewers the post looks like any other, but to someone else the context may have a different meaning? Have you ever then had the entry taken in the wrong way by many people? Did it ever influence your life in ways that you never intended?

I guess the first thing you have to ask is why you would do such a thing?

Is it cowardice? Is it cruelty? Is it as a weapon? Is it out of politeness? Is it to spare someone of hurt? Is it to hurt someone? Is it to be subtle? Is it a game? Is it psychological? Is it opportunistic? Is it frailty? Is it strength? Is it clever? Is it stupid? Is it an attempt to be civil? Was it on purpose? Was it on accident? Is it something else?

I have done this in the past, and you know what, I am never going to bother with this any more. The reason I did it was to be subtle and let someone know that I have moved on without having to confront the issue head on. The situation that was referred to in the post should have been self-evident but for whatever reason may not have been to the other person. Or if it was, it was not clear to me that it was clear to the other person. So the reasons for doing it may be all of the above and many more.

Secondly, you could ask if it worked?

I think that when you take the time to write like this it generally does work unless the person the secret message is aimed at is simply too dull to get it or is a guy. OK, I know I am going to hear it from some guys on this, but sometimes us guys need the message spelled out in bold letters to get it. We men do not read into messages the personal aspect that we as writer may want to convey subtly. We read it for what it is and ignore the deeper meaning.

Women on the other hand read too much into some posts. In fact, they read so much into it, it may not even be there to be read into. It makes it hard to please everyone.

So, did it work? That would be up to the poster to decide, and the results may not be what the writer intended.

Third, was it worth it?

Once again, we have a judgment call for the writer, but I can tell you that it does not seem to be the case for me. I see what I write, I know why I worded certain things the way I did, but others to not see it and thus the means get skewed. Plain talk, I guess that is what is needed. Subtlety, it is an imperfect art.

Secret messages, let’s leave them for Sunday Puzzles and decoder rings.

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Comments

Posted by TxRose on
11/26/05 01:53:14 PM
LOL.... Subtlety is an imperfect art. Oftentimes, I think that the other person that it was truly intended for may be as equally subtle and either doesn't respond merely of the fear of not being subtle enough, or attempts to be just as coy and subtle and it wasn't received with the message it conveyed!! cheese

I love the bantering that I had on the other site and lost my interest in that site as a result as people have moved on in differing directions. The bantering relationship is sometimes more fun that the real life relationship that is tangible outside of the computer world.

The "game" of the subtly written messages can be as fun as the mystery and intrique found in solving mysterious criminal cases. Ahhhh, never lose the interest in the fun of the secret banter with that someone who you are truly intending it for.

Life is often a mystery awaiting for those to be challenged in both mind and spirit. The direction of that life is equally a mystery for us all.

Posted by on
11/29/05 03:23:16 PM
OK, being a guy, I can add a different perspective. First, JB ol' buddy... I AGREE with you 100%! Most men are VERY straight forward and don't take to subtlety too well, unless they are wizards (yes, see Tolkein's quote). Second, those of us who are subtle and geniuses (I count two)may be able to pick up the secret, but its so much more comforting to just come out and say it, no matter how blunt an instrument the truth may be. Personally, I don't like hints. I don't like clues. Tell me what is going on, because if I figure out that you were being sly earlier to my detriment, I am gonna be how shall I say it?... PISSED!
As for playing the secret message game with women: I have found in my own experience that many believe they want that sort of mystery in their lives, but most either read much too much into
every reference after that, or are not clever enough to catch me at my subtlety. No offense to anyone, it's just the way it has been.
So just remember the old joke:
Two psychiatrists pass each other in the hospital halls. The first one says, "Good Morning!" and the second one thinks, "I wonder what he meant by that?"

Posted by HarshawJ on
12/01/05 11:17:50 PM
Rose,

Yeah, an art form until it is not an art form but just a complete mess. The question is where to you draw the line? Sometime I guess I just don't know.

Joe Cool - JB

Posted by HarshawJ on
12/01/05 11:21:23 PM
Kate,

I do not know if it is avoiding conflict or mearly the yearning to not hurt someone. I know that the hardest thing I face is hurting someone, it hurt me to the very depth of my being. It is not the conflict, coflict I can handle. But if someone is dear and what has to happen is hurtful, I can not bear to do it. It hurts so deeply.

Call me a softy and sentimental.

Joe Cool - JB

Posted by HarshawJ on
12/01/05 11:23:45 PM
SunRise,

I know... see what I am saying, read my mind, understand I do not want to hurt you but I have to do this. I know, I know... I just don't know any other way to not hurt someone. I DON'T WANT TO HURT SOMEONE.

Joe Cool - JB

Posted by HarshawJ on
12/01/05 11:24:55 PM
Dude,

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, sometimes it's a cuban.

Joe Cool - JB

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