It has been a year of changes for me; changes in living arrangements, changes in lifestyle, and changes in relationships.

The living arrangements and lifestyle issues were easy for me to handle, time smoothed the road when the changes were needed and I adapted where I had to. But the changes in relationships has been the hardest.

I have previously said that I put my heart on my sleeve in relationship, but then I understood that change was needed or even wanted. I put on a chevalier face on it and moved along with life as though it was all expected. I wanted to be strong, but you know what, it hurt.

What caught me off guard a few days ago was how much it did hurt. When break ups of relationships happen, there are shards of emotions that remain. I found that a recent seeming break up exposed all those pains and others from the past. I was thrown into a depression for a day to work it all out.

When all was said in done, I found that I do care for people way more than maybe I should. When break ups occur (and they do) I am left to bury my feelings and move along as well. These feeling hurt terribly and to be honest I do not know what to do about them.

I know I should honor my own advice and keep putting myself out there even though these severed ties hurt greatly, but it is hard to justify now that I have had this realization.

My first reaction to all this was to sever all ties from all my new friends and relations. I wanted to bury myself away, not deal with it and start fresh. I wanted to do like every other person does and push it all away, denying that anything ever happened. Well, I can’t because it all did happen.

So, I sit here and lick my wounds and hope they heal right and continue what I was doing before, but maybe I take it slower.