How do you know that you are in the right relationship? Do you get all giddy and silly as the puppy lust overtakes you? Is it a more cerebral certainty you are looking for? Are you following that ache in your heart (or loins) that is telling your head that is it a good thing?

I thought I knew when it was a good thing, but then again I was always one to wear my heart on my sleeve and accept what came and make it into a good thing, for me. But I may not have considered whether or not it was a good thing for the other.

Are there cues that you follow that let you know a relationship is working or do we all just improvise? I know now that I was the master of “seat of your pants” relationships and just hung on for whatever came and went with the flow. I adapted to the circumstances and let the path take me. Maybe I should have planned the path better, but what the hell am I looking for.

To answer a question I was hesitant to answer before, here is what I am looking for:

I am looking for a woman that can understand that I am a different person than the other she has met before. I am a unique individual with many layers and strong opinions. Someone that can accept that I am different and not compare me to others she has known. Someone who is as sensual as I and can be comfortable with my quirks as I can be with hers. Someone who knows that a relationship is multifaceted and that sex, intellect, emotions, respect, patience and humor are important to an overall good coupling. Someone who is proud of herself and proud of the man she is with. Someone who I can and does not mind being put on a pedestal for all to see once in a while and struts like the beautiful woman she is. Equally comfortable in and out of the house and willing to be spontaneous once in a while. Someone who knows that we all need our space once in a while and will be willing to give it, but also know that sometimes a call for space is actually a call for needing her and comes. Someone who understands that us guys show our affection in interesting ways, like taking out the garbage without being asked and we are proud of that and she is willing to acknowledge that. Someone that will put me first in her life and I can likewise put her first. Someone who is a partner in the good times and support in the bad times. Someone who will drop everything for me when I call, and I for her. Someone who understands that honesty is important and that is does not have to be hurtful. A slut for me, but more reserved for others. Someone who knows illusions are as important as illustrations. Someone who will concede she is wrong once in a while, as I know I will (I cannot stand someone who thinks they are always right). Someone that can do for herself without having to seek my approval on everything, but knows when a joint decision is needed. Must have similar tastes in music, media and literature.

OK, so that covers the “intangible” things… I of course have tastes in women that I would consider as well, and these things are secondary, but still weigh into the mix.

Someone who is not tall, I prefer shorter women. Someone who is well proportioned in body. By this I mean she cares for her looks and is not overly large. (I was once very large and it could have killed me, body image is important for healthy living.) That being said, I do not want a skinny Minnie, there is nothing there to have fun with, just someone who looks good and knows it. I like larger breasts (ok, I am a tit man) and shapely legs. Someone who is sensitive to touch. I love red hair, but any color hair is fine. Speaking of hair, I like a long head of hair to run my finger through and tug on. Someone willing to explore everything in the bedroom.

These things may seem arbitrary or even unreasonable, but they go a long way to attract my attention. If all these things are there the I will know that I have found someone that I can truly get into, someone that I can immediately consider for a long term relationship and jump into the mix once again head first.

But even with all this there is that intangible something else, the chemical, the animal, the intuitive that has to be there to kick start it all. I know that when I find the right person that I will be dizzy with my love and lust for her. That she should be too. So maybe I now have a path that I can look for, one that I have constructed my self and can walk till I find the exact right person, or at least someone that will come so close that I will not notice the difference.

But will that all tell me it is right? Well, if it does not I sure the hell do not know what will.

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